I JUST TURNED OFF THE OSCARS. I LASTED LONGER THAN I EXPECTED.
I was actually avoiding writing, which is what I'm avoiding right now, but I'm avoiding it more productively. How stupid was the hubub about "the controversial" Chris Rock hosting the Oscars. Didn't he stop being controversial when he had that half-ass talk show on HBO, was he ever really that controversial? And do people really wonder if he's going to say "fuck" on the air? One thing I have to give him, I thought he was destined for Jim Breuer-ness after SNL, he's re-invented himself tto the point where most people forget he was on SNL. That may be because he was incredibly forgettable during the most forgettable years that show has had. Those years literally anger me. I know I take comedy more personal than most, but those years make me want to throw the tv out the window at how piss poor the writing was. I mean for God's sakes YOU'RE THE HIGHEST PAID SKETCH COMEDIANS ON TV!!! AND THAT'S ALL YOU CAN COME UP WITH?!?!
So how awful was Robin Williams? I can't stand him at the Oscars, it's THE EXACT SAME BIT EVERY YEAR. I can't believe he did a "could you imagine Jack Nicholson as X" joke. You should go to comedy jail for that.
I've only seen two of the main Oscar Picks, the first two acts of Million Dollar Baby, and the last act of Million Dollar Baby.
I really wish they have never given Animated movies their own category, I think they should have to fight for legitimacy like comedies have to. Now every Animated film of the year gets to claim that it's nominated for an Oscar, NOMINATED FOR AN OSCAR! (because four animated films had to be). This category needed to go fuck itself from it's inception because it was created the year the Waking Life came out, and I thought: Oh that's nice, finally a category that can recognize that not all animated films are for kids and that the genre has some life outside of Walt Disney and it's legitimacy is now cemented...and then not only is Waking Life not nominated but Jimmy Neutron is!
HOW DO THE STUDIOS KNOW WHAT WILL BE THE BEST MOVIES OF THE YEAR?
That kind of takes the fun out of it doesn't it? So I know I won't see the best movie of the year in March? I can just put that expectation out of my mind when seeing any movie prior to November, eh? That's just no fun. Not that anybody really think's Blade II will get nominated for an Oscar anyway, maybe they should come up with a Vampire category.
But really, shouldn't it be harder to make a good movie? Shouldn't the academy be more picky than to just pick the one's the studios released in November/December? And if the studios know so accurately what a good movie is enough to release them at the right time so as to make more money via the tie-in, couldn't they conceivably make good movies all year? Or would nobody go see Million Dollar Baby in May? The answer is...nobody would give a shit about any of these movies any other time of the year. They'd all make $30 million less any other time of the year. It's a scam a huge scam. Do you think if X-Men 3 were released February 1st any of these movies would have a chance against it?
But seriously could you imagine Jack Nicholson as a Vampire? I think it might go a little something like this...
MY TOP PICKS OF THE YEAR
1) Bourne Supremacy - I didn't think I could like anything more than Collateral, but holy shit this movie rocked like only genius directors and writers and producers can rock. You just can't shit out a franchise film and have it turn out this good. The character of Bourned speaks maybe 10 lines in the movie and yet the character is amazing, he's got everything going for him that all great about action hero's have, and I'll put the car chase in this movie up against any car chase.
2) Collateral - Here's some good writing for you. Great first act, it establishes that he's got this goal, the island resort cab company, he has a picture of the island on the car's sunshade flap, he can always pull it down and look at his future, at 18 minutes into the movie that is replaced with the card and phone number of Jada Pinkett's character, now he has this new goal this new future that he has to get to if he can get through this night. Act One ends when the body hits the car, fantastic twist to take us into act two. Great characters, great dialogue.
V: Thousands of Rwandan's die everyday and you're worried about some fat angelino.
M: I don't know any Rwandans.
V: You don't know the guy in the trunk either. Allright, he was a criminal, engaged in a continuing criminal enterprise, happy?
And it was directed Michael Mann, and it is SUCH a Michael Mann film. I love when directors do films that are SO THEM. Like any Tim Burton film, how does one man with such a peculiar vision find so many films that only he could direct? How THERE am I to see Tim Burton work with Johnny Depp and Danny Elfman work together to create Charlie and The Chocolate Factory? Can you say perfect collaboration? However it will be coming out in July, so I guess it won't be one of the best films of the year.
THE NOMINEES FOR THE 2006 OSCARS ARE OUT!
(actually I just went to www.countingdown.com and saw what's releasing in November and December)
Here's the films the critics and academy will agree are the best of the year and some of them haven't even been shot yet!
Memoirs of a Geisha
All The Kings Men (Jude Law and Sean Penn for best Actors)
The New World (I hear Emmanuel Lubezki may be up for Best Cinematography once someone's seen the photography he did)
Jarhead (Chris Cooper for Best Actor)
Rent
Walk The Line (I hear Jaquin Phoenix might have a shot at Best Actor once he's acted in this)
How big a farce will the Oscars be when I'm right? What if the Superbowl were like this?
Sunday, February 27, 2005
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
Things I Learned in the RedEye Today - 2/22/05
Paris Hilton had her phone numbers from her cellphone downloaded and put on the internet. And it's the biggest story in the history of mankind. Everybody's talking about it, including (get this) morning DJ's, some of whom have done parody songs about it. Columnists are even talking about it (that means it's huge). It's the biggest story since Michael Jackson got a cold that one day last week. There's also little blurbs about how you can prevent the same thing from happening to you and your cellphone. I wouldn't worry, though because nobody gives a shit about you.
Thursday, February 10, 2005
Things I Learned in the RedEye Today - 2/10/05
So I've been getting free RedEye's each morning. Evidently there's some things that concern me that they have decided to inform me of. Today I learned that there's this girl on Angry Housewives, and I thought she was a lesbian, but she's not. Also I think Mark Bazer bought a chair.
Saturday, February 5, 2005
Writing Retreat 3: Rise of the Machines
AND WE DID BECOME MACHINES
Between January 8th and 15th, the core group, Katie Watson (Sirens), and Conner Kalista (Too Much Light) traveled to a secluded house in Michigan, out of cellphone reception range to write 12 episodes of the radio show to round out Season Two to the contractually obligated 60 Episodes.
Two Weeks Prior to that we all sat down and threw out some ideas. Each of us brought five overall themes for episodes and pitched them. These Hundred-or-so ideas were posted on a whiteboard and we voted for the illustrious twelve, twenty are chosen and revoted on, and then those are revoted on.
AND THE WINNERS ARE...
Prior to Christmas the following Themes for Episodes 45-60 were chosen.
Delay
Entire episodes takes place during a 30 minute delay at an airport.
Hey, Can I Crash Here?
Based on the theme of party, crashers, life crashers, adn unwelcome guests.
Speed Dating
Show based on couples and relationships in which every sketch is two minutes long.
Day In The Life of America's Heart & Soul
Based on Angelina jolie's upcoming project, which shows what everyone's doing at exactly the same time on the same day all over the world.
:30
A show that takes place in realtime, on cubs opening day, a half hour from the first pitch.
We Didn't Start The Fire
The Chicago Fires, the famous one and the Lasalle Bank Building one too, plus the Billy Joel Song.
Fanaticism
Fanaticism.
Who Killed Scruffy McMuffin?
A very old idea.
The Apartment
Several stories that take place in the apartment that surrounds a frustrated writer on deadline to finish his novel.
Ed Bus
A documentary on Ed Bus and his re-election campaign leading up to election day.
61
Schadenfreude splits up after 60 and goes in many diverse directions and career choices, when it's revealed that we still owe WBEZ one more episode, the show tracks us down and brings us back for one more show, that show, of cours is this one.
There's one show I haven't listed and I'll just call it Episode X, I will not tell you what it's them is or what's it's about, it would ruin you discovering it for yourself. In theory it's my favorite thing we've done, it hasn't been recorded or aired, but I really love it. I can't wait for you to hear it.
TWO WEEKS LATER WE WENT TO MICHIGAN
For an entire day we pitched ideas under each theme. For another day we went through every sketch in every episode and figured out the best way for them to interlock and recur to create the flow we try and achieve in our show. Then we riffed on the ideas and took detailed notes. Then we were ready to break off and write in groups, but before we could do that we had to take another day and expand the sketch ideas as a group so the that the groups would go smoothly. We wrote the beats for each scene "and then he does this, and then the other guys says something like this, and then they both have pie." Then three groups, one on each floor went away and spent between 6 and 12 hours on each episode. Then we reconvened and repeated the process of expand and breaking off for every episode.
Best Writing Retreat Moments:
Justin and Sandy putting in overtime in the basement to write not one, but two ed bus shows. The shows create a whole new world for Ed bus to exist in with a great antagonist, supercorporation Dinnerbansky & Ross and their global domination plans, superbitch lawyers, and exercise machine entrepreneurs, and Arnold Schwarzeneggar.
The first read of We Didn't Start The Fire - flawless structure from the first read. Love it.
The first read of Episode X, and Katie Watson's Uncanny word-for-word typing ability from the original discussion session.
My Arnold Scwarzeneggar Bit, an observation I've always had on Arnold and how he plugs his stupid movies on Jay Leno, it made everyone laugh.
Writing with Conner. First time I ever wrote with him, very clever. Best Lines: "Hey do you guys have a dumpsink so I can wash my comforter" "For the next two minutes we have a sale on knives and ice in the back next to the upturned palattes" and "I fell off my elliptical machine onto my priceless collection of Crossbows" (you'll get ti when you hear them, no time to explain)
The First reading of the first six episodes.
Traditionally we hold the reading of the scripts until the last night of the retreat. But this time we rewarded ourselves for our work so far by doing a reading. What a good idea. We all needed the release so bad. It gave us so much energy, I've never laughed harder at what probably wasn't that funny just because I needed the release.
The most fun thing at every retreat is coming up with clever line while writing and anticipating springing the line on the rest of the group to get that first reaction. Each writing staff member will hear that joke 20 more times during the editing and rehearsal process, so a new hilarious line will never be funnier to the group than that first time you spring it on them. It's the closest the writing staff gets to being audience members, "I cried from my fun place." "I never jacked off a sleeping homeless guy." and "Reyna did me a favor...a HAND favor." are amongst my favorites.
So for two weeks we edited and rehearsed the episodes and tomorrw morning we record the first four of the lot. So I'm rehearsing right now. I'll give you the blow by blow of recording CRASH, DELAY, SPEED DATING, and A DAY IN THE LIFE tomorrow.
Between January 8th and 15th, the core group, Katie Watson (Sirens), and Conner Kalista (Too Much Light) traveled to a secluded house in Michigan, out of cellphone reception range to write 12 episodes of the radio show to round out Season Two to the contractually obligated 60 Episodes.
Two Weeks Prior to that we all sat down and threw out some ideas. Each of us brought five overall themes for episodes and pitched them. These Hundred-or-so ideas were posted on a whiteboard and we voted for the illustrious twelve, twenty are chosen and revoted on, and then those are revoted on.
AND THE WINNERS ARE...
Prior to Christmas the following Themes for Episodes 45-60 were chosen.
Delay
Entire episodes takes place during a 30 minute delay at an airport.
Hey, Can I Crash Here?
Based on the theme of party, crashers, life crashers, adn unwelcome guests.
Speed Dating
Show based on couples and relationships in which every sketch is two minutes long.
Day In The Life of America's Heart & Soul
Based on Angelina jolie's upcoming project, which shows what everyone's doing at exactly the same time on the same day all over the world.
:30
A show that takes place in realtime, on cubs opening day, a half hour from the first pitch.
We Didn't Start The Fire
The Chicago Fires, the famous one and the Lasalle Bank Building one too, plus the Billy Joel Song.
Fanaticism
Fanaticism.
Who Killed Scruffy McMuffin?
A very old idea.
The Apartment
Several stories that take place in the apartment that surrounds a frustrated writer on deadline to finish his novel.
Ed Bus
A documentary on Ed Bus and his re-election campaign leading up to election day.
61
Schadenfreude splits up after 60 and goes in many diverse directions and career choices, when it's revealed that we still owe WBEZ one more episode, the show tracks us down and brings us back for one more show, that show, of cours is this one.
There's one show I haven't listed and I'll just call it Episode X, I will not tell you what it's them is or what's it's about, it would ruin you discovering it for yourself. In theory it's my favorite thing we've done, it hasn't been recorded or aired, but I really love it. I can't wait for you to hear it.
TWO WEEKS LATER WE WENT TO MICHIGAN
For an entire day we pitched ideas under each theme. For another day we went through every sketch in every episode and figured out the best way for them to interlock and recur to create the flow we try and achieve in our show. Then we riffed on the ideas and took detailed notes. Then we were ready to break off and write in groups, but before we could do that we had to take another day and expand the sketch ideas as a group so the that the groups would go smoothly. We wrote the beats for each scene "and then he does this, and then the other guys says something like this, and then they both have pie." Then three groups, one on each floor went away and spent between 6 and 12 hours on each episode. Then we reconvened and repeated the process of expand and breaking off for every episode.
Best Writing Retreat Moments:
Justin and Sandy putting in overtime in the basement to write not one, but two ed bus shows. The shows create a whole new world for Ed bus to exist in with a great antagonist, supercorporation Dinnerbansky & Ross and their global domination plans, superbitch lawyers, and exercise machine entrepreneurs, and Arnold Schwarzeneggar.
The first read of We Didn't Start The Fire - flawless structure from the first read. Love it.
The first read of Episode X, and Katie Watson's Uncanny word-for-word typing ability from the original discussion session.
My Arnold Scwarzeneggar Bit, an observation I've always had on Arnold and how he plugs his stupid movies on Jay Leno, it made everyone laugh.
Writing with Conner. First time I ever wrote with him, very clever. Best Lines: "Hey do you guys have a dumpsink so I can wash my comforter" "For the next two minutes we have a sale on knives and ice in the back next to the upturned palattes" and "I fell off my elliptical machine onto my priceless collection of Crossbows" (you'll get ti when you hear them, no time to explain)
The First reading of the first six episodes.
Traditionally we hold the reading of the scripts until the last night of the retreat. But this time we rewarded ourselves for our work so far by doing a reading. What a good idea. We all needed the release so bad. It gave us so much energy, I've never laughed harder at what probably wasn't that funny just because I needed the release.
The most fun thing at every retreat is coming up with clever line while writing and anticipating springing the line on the rest of the group to get that first reaction. Each writing staff member will hear that joke 20 more times during the editing and rehearsal process, so a new hilarious line will never be funnier to the group than that first time you spring it on them. It's the closest the writing staff gets to being audience members, "I cried from my fun place." "I never jacked off a sleeping homeless guy." and "Reyna did me a favor...a HAND favor." are amongst my favorites.
So for two weeks we edited and rehearsed the episodes and tomorrw morning we record the first four of the lot. So I'm rehearsing right now. I'll give you the blow by blow of recording CRASH, DELAY, SPEED DATING, and A DAY IN THE LIFE tomorrow.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)