Fuck the Oscars...again...

I JUST TURNED OFF THE OSCARS. I LASTED LONGER THAN I EXPECTED.

I was actually avoiding writing, which is what I'm avoiding right now, but I'm avoiding it more productively. How stupid was the hubub about "the controversial" Chris Rock hosting the Oscars. Didn't he stop being controversial when he had that half-ass talk show on HBO, was he ever really that controversial? And do people really wonder if he's going to say "fuck" on the air? One thing I have to give him, I thought he was destined for Jim Breuer-ness after SNL, he's re-invented himself tto the point where most people forget he was on SNL. That may be because he was incredibly forgettable during the most forgettable years that show has had. Those years literally anger me. I know I take comedy more personal than most, but those years make me want to throw the tv out the window at how piss poor the writing was. I mean for God's sakes YOU'RE THE HIGHEST PAID SKETCH COMEDIANS ON TV!!! AND THAT'S ALL YOU CAN COME UP WITH?!?!

So how awful was Robin Williams? I can't stand him at the Oscars, it's THE EXACT SAME BIT EVERY YEAR. I can't believe he did a "could you imagine Jack Nicholson as X" joke. You should go to comedy jail for that.

I've only seen two of the main Oscar Picks, the first two acts of Million Dollar Baby, and the last act of Million Dollar Baby.

I really wish they have never given Animated movies their own category, I think they should have to fight for legitimacy like comedies have to. Now every Animated film of the year gets to claim that it's nominated for an Oscar, NOMINATED FOR AN OSCAR! (because four animated films had to be). This category needed to go fuck itself from it's inception because it was created the year the Waking Life came out, and I thought: Oh that's nice, finally a category that can recognize that not all animated films are for kids and that the genre has some life outside of Walt Disney and it's legitimacy is now cemented...and then not only is Waking Life not nominated but Jimmy Neutron is!

HOW DO THE STUDIOS KNOW WHAT WILL BE THE BEST MOVIES OF THE YEAR?

That kind of takes the fun out of it doesn't it? So I know I won't see the best movie of the year in March? I can just put that expectation out of my mind when seeing any movie prior to November, eh? That's just no fun. Not that anybody really think's Blade II will get nominated for an Oscar anyway, maybe they should come up with a Vampire category.

But really, shouldn't it be harder to make a good movie? Shouldn't the academy be more picky than to just pick the one's the studios released in November/December? And if the studios know so accurately what a good movie is enough to release them at the right time so as to make more money via the tie-in, couldn't they conceivably make good movies all year? Or would nobody go see Million Dollar Baby in May? The answer is...nobody would give a shit about any of these movies any other time of the year. They'd all make $30 million less any other time of the year. It's a scam a huge scam. Do you think if X-Men 3 were released February 1st any of these movies would have a chance against it?

But seriously could you imagine Jack Nicholson as a Vampire? I think it might go a little something like this...

MY TOP PICKS OF THE YEAR

1) Bourne Supremacy - I didn't think I could like anything more than Collateral, but holy shit this movie rocked like only genius directors and writers and producers can rock. You just can't shit out a franchise film and have it turn out this good. The character of Bourned speaks maybe 10 lines in the movie and yet the character is amazing, he's got everything going for him that all great about action hero's have, and I'll put the car chase in this movie up against any car chase.

2) Collateral - Here's some good writing for you. Great first act, it establishes that he's got this goal, the island resort cab company, he has a picture of the island on the car's sunshade flap, he can always pull it down and look at his future, at 18 minutes into the movie that is replaced with the card and phone number of Jada Pinkett's character, now he has this new goal this new future that he has to get to if he can get through this night. Act One ends when the body hits the car, fantastic twist to take us into act two. Great characters, great dialogue.

V: Thousands of Rwandan's die everyday and you're worried about some fat angelino.
M: I don't know any Rwandans.
V: You don't know the guy in the trunk either. Allright, he was a criminal, engaged in a continuing criminal enterprise, happy?

And it was directed Michael Mann, and it is SUCH a Michael Mann film. I love when directors do films that are SO THEM. Like any Tim Burton film, how does one man with such a peculiar vision find so many films that only he could direct? How THERE am I to see Tim Burton work with Johnny Depp and Danny Elfman work together to create Charlie and The Chocolate Factory? Can you say perfect collaboration? However it will be coming out in July, so I guess it won't be one of the best films of the year.

THE NOMINEES FOR THE 2006 OSCARS ARE OUT!

(actually I just went to www.countingdown.com and saw what's releasing in November and December)

Here's the films the critics and academy will agree are the best of the year and some of them haven't even been shot yet!

Memoirs of a Geisha
All The Kings Men (Jude Law and Sean Penn for best Actors)
The New World (I hear Emmanuel Lubezki may be up for Best Cinematography once someone's seen the photography he did)
Jarhead (Chris Cooper for Best Actor)
Rent
Walk The Line (I hear Jaquin Phoenix might have a shot at Best Actor once he's acted in this)

How big a farce will the Oscars be when I'm right? What if the Superbowl were like this?