Short-Haired Chick Friday

So she stole some shit, so she's crazy, so it got to her, you still don't get any cuter than her in a pixie cut, or her in "Lucas," she's so damn cute in Lucas. Ah the price of fame.



adw

Okay, I'm calling time, it's getting out of control.

Wanna see something really scary?

Gives you shivers, doesn't it. I know, I know, it's Fox and of course they're insane and a right-wing puppet, but maybe that's what's so scary, I know these are Republican thoughts. These are the talking points, these are what they claim to believe to get more votes. They have gone so low. They are attacking the mother of a dead soldier. They really hate soldiers don't they. If an alien came down from space all of this would be tough to explain, they would just assume the administration has declared a war on soldiers. John Kerry didn't serve in Vietnam well enough, That guy in Texas who lost an arm and leg in Vietnam didn't serve well enough, and George, Don, and Dick didn't serve, well...

Please, put Bill O'Reilly on a night detail in Fallujah, please just give him one night of suppressive heat, live fire, strange approaching cars, the disdain of the locals, and a language barrier. Let's see you last the night cynical boy.

And scarier.

"in bed with the radical left?"

Meaning "bad." So the left IS bad, it's presupposed in that sentence. All things left are bad. All things in opposition to the administration are left. Opposing the war is left. The left is bad. Opposing the war is bad. When are they going to make that statement a little more concrete and actually intern the left in prison camps, that'll make people come to their sides, right? If you had a choice of Republicans or jail, you'd go R and rat on your friends, right? Listen to what he's saying. If you go to Michael Moore's website you sleep with the enemy, so much syllogism.

"Do you believe that we're a bad country and evil country."
"Do you have Michael Moore's view of the U.S.?"
"If you had to choose, would you go with President Bush or Michael Moore?"

Really, the radical left has kidnappped this one woman and brainwashed her to make her dislike war? They are crafty. I love how they've made the radical left this mythological creature. I wonder if they had to look long and hard for a woman who's son had died?

Evidently their problem with Cindy Sheehan is that she's politiciszing her son's death to prevent further deaths. I'm glad the right can put themselves above that, you know, POLITICIZING THE WAR!!!!

How cynical must you be to release talking points on this woman, and how much more cynical must you be to call her a flip-flopper on her opinion of her son's death. I hope Bill O'Reilly's son dies. Does that sound mean? Can it possibly be mean? I hop Bill O'Reilly's son dies

We pissed al over that stuffed-shirt parade

So did the Hideout last night, funny ha-ha. Dick jokes, sex jokes, we made fun of John Green's dick size, I used the word "wetback" onstage, and we dumped an entire cake on the floor. Everytime we do Funny Ha Ha at The Hideout I feel like Harpo at the Algonquin Round Table. There's Alexander Woolcott and Ben Hecht revealing the indiosyncracies of the world in a conversation wrought with pithy ironic well-formed sentences, and then there we are asking to be dared to see how much creamer we can drink. Whenever we get to guest spot in someone else's show we always have fun. We put so much pressure on ourselves when we do a self-produced stage (or radio) show that most of the fun is sucked out of the room, but when we do someone else's show we have a lot more fun and put less pressure on what people might think of this and just have fun.

For any SERIOUSLY OLD SCHOOL Schadenfreude fans, I did one of our oldest bits last night. "The Queer Ass and the Gay Cock" Which I believe premiered in our second show at the Heartland. In the Heartland I played an old man trying to read and old story written back when Queer (odd) and Ass (Mule) and Faggot (bundle) weren't dirty words. In this show I read it as a tribute to my Grandfather who's Grandfather read it to him. The real bit is shooting the audience an angry look when they would laugh at it, because the story of the Queer Ass (Odd Mule) and Gay Cock (Happy Male Chicken) is not to be laughed at! Show some maturity! It's an old story! The punchline is when I decide to read the story of the little Puppy who got fistfucked (that's what they called coal mining back then!), after which Stephe hit the music cue because it was ingrained in his brain from six years ago.

Steve Delahoyde has worked on a bunch of new videos. That guy has invented the best format for himself, just innocent, stream-of-consciousness, fun featuring him. The thing I like about Steve's videos is that nothing is a bad idea. He really commits to his ideas. I'm teaching a writing class right now and people are so judgemental of their ideas, so mistrusting of their own brain, it's amazing. It takes a while to open people up so that every idea is a good one. It all depends on where you take it.

Fun night, I would say you should've been there, but that would have made it more crowded.

Short-Haired Chick Friday

I like short-haired chicks, but you know who else does? Frank Sinatra.



If you haven't seen A Decade Under The Influence, it is a wonderful document of the bygone era of film known as the 70's, I could talk all day about it if I had the time. But in that movie there is a wonderufl behind-the-scenes shot of Mia Farrow in Rosemary's Baby so happy, jumping and laughing and dancing without a care in the world. She's so easy to fall in love with when you see that shot.



And then she married Sinatra and was fucked up for the rest of her life, adopted 800 kids, married Woody Allen and starred in all of his most boring films. Which brings me to the secondary topic of this short-haired chick Friday. Fuck Frank Sinatra. I've come to the realization lately that I hate Sinatra. You know who loves Sinatra, every meathead in Hi-Tops. It's cool or something, you're cool if you like Sinatra. It's the last vestige of those with no other personality to hang their hat on. Fuck Frank, big sexist prick, and I hate those songs, I love New York but I want to put a hot rivet gun to my head every time I hear that song. He was part of the Rat Pack, big deal so was Peter Lawford, and who cares about Peter Lawford. The only thing I'll give Frank credit for was the discovery of orbital theory of the atom in Particle Physics, oh wait, that wasn't Frank. Guess it isn't Frank's world after all.

Look how fucking cute these fucking kittens fucking are

So somehow my Mom and Justin's wife Julie psychically got on the same page about me getting a cat at the same time and started emailing me about it.

I am completely a cat guy.

The first pet I got when I was 5 was a black and white named Kitty Hawk, though because of her weird meow she would be dubbed Me-Me the rest of her life. It was the only cat we ever had that was allowed in the house (living in the country we had like 20 or 30 at one time). Loved that cat, best cat ever, it would talk every time you touched it and it liked me better than everybody else, slept with me, the whole nine. Then we got a dog, which I could take or leave. Then I got another black & white cat, a male named Pomponio, who was cool for like a day, then turned into steroid super uber male cat that nobody in their right mind would allow in the house. He was our first outside cat and proceeded to walk the woods and screw anything that moved leading us to have 20 or 30 cats, thanks Pomp. Pomponio would dissappear for up to two years at a time, then come back and hang out for a week, then leave for another year, each time coming back with a new ear gnawed off, a limp, an eye missing, tail crimped, each time he had obviously been in a new fight, and won. I don't think he ever lost. Pomp kind of sucked, but you had to admire him, I was way closer to some of our other cats, like BartholoMew, the cat so lazy he wouldn't get out of the way of the fucking car tire while we were backing up once, which was the perfect way to go for the laziest cat you've ever seen in your life, and it's not like we were backing up fast.

So I am getting closer to getting a cat, but never thought about getting two until Mom sent me this picture of two cats, male and female, black & white Pomponio & MeMe that are for sale. Super cute. Give them a home, Call 773-777-2891 or e-mail petraits@interaccess.com, but if you pick up the cats based on seeing them on my blog, you have to name the one without the dotted nose MeMe.

Technically 9-11 was a faith based initiative

Look at my left hand, look at my left hand, look, look, look over here. Slap.

I wholly support whatever you believe in, but don't believe a fucking word of this forced debate on intelligent design. You, Christian, are being used. Don't give it the time of day. It is a Rove-esque distraction of the highest magnitude designed to galvinize their side at a time when they are weakest. If you are a Christian you must support all Republican policies and this is a big attempt to say "You're still with us aren't you? Because remember, if you support one thing we support, you have support all the things we support." How do you like that? If you are a Christian, how do you feel about your religion being used to justify rich-ass Republican policies like this pork-barrell laden energy bill that was just passed? The 9 Billion of your tax dollars unaccounted for in Iraq. I'm sure Jesus would approve, or at least you better, if you're a Christian (therefore Republican) that is. Shit, even Jesus wasn't a Christian.



So will astrology be taught in astronomy class?

This is designed to convert, just like Prayer in schools (the hot topic that is SO next on their agenda), designed to convert kids to Christianity and thanks to the grand syllogism that is The Bush Administration, create young Republicans, because you can't be a Christian AND a Democrat, just like you can't disagree AND be a Republican, as Bill Frist has found out.

All I have to say about Intelligent design is, when did they stop teaching that in church? If you're a Christian, don't you get that in church? If your kids aren't being taught Intelligent Design, there's plenty of church's that will take you in, you should go and not redefine science based on political gain.

Is there no policy they can enact that is not 100% selfish? Are they ever going to get around to serving the people? And on top of that, they've taken away my right to disagree, I am now the enemy in another one of their enemy-creating syllogistic The Administration is awful at creating jobs but gangbusters at creating enemies, people for you to hate, pointing you in the other direction while they stick their hand in your pocket.

"Hey, you're TV's Pete Biagi"

I did my turn on the set of Paul Leuer's first feature film, Eden Court yesterday. Had my own trailer, well apparently I had Barb's trailer. The very nice Peter Biagi, of Project Greenlight 1 fame walked up and introduced himself to me and I said "Hey, you're tv's Pete Biagi", he laughed and said "Unfortunately." I also called Tom Lennon of Reno 9-11, "TV's Tom Lennon", Tom said the guild forced you to change your first name to "TV's" once you got a show.



I played a mechanic and I had two lines which, in total bit player cliche fashion, I worked on in my trailer all day, varying the emPHAsis on each read. Only to immediatly fuck those lines up during the take. Eden is a low budge film, so the setups are fast and they shoot fast, like a tv crew. So when I was finally called to set it was go time. Without being told where to stand I was tapped on the shoulder to enter and walked aimlessly about the frame fucking everything up. Kimberly (Williams, The Bride of "Father of the" fame) cracked up, which confused me further because I don't remember that being in the script. I was wrecked and flubbed the hell out of my lines and improvised to get over it, which prompted Tom to say "I don't remember that line."



Oh shit, "I'm that guy" I thought, that guy that inevitably ends up in all independent productions, the talentless friend of the director who's fucking the whole thing up. Now I was real flustered and was forgetting that stupid line. I did it again, this time knowing where to stand but I was awful, did it again, awful, but everyone claimed it was good and moved on, I really hope that take doesn't end up onscreen, in fact, as an editor, I know it can be cut out easily, actually both my lines can, the only reason to leave them in would be if they're good.



Paul is a good director, there's a common list of mistakes that first time directors make, from producing badly (not seeking creative solutions, not keeping the shoot moving, being rigid with their vision) to shooting badly (too many takes, not knowing shit about coverage) to directing badly (having no idea how to get what you want out of an actor, or more commonly, not knowing what you want, period), but Paul hit all his marks as a director. Since I fucked up, I got to be directed by Paul. Which is the first good sign of a good director, that his first instinct is NOT to direct me. Good director's let you go, then rein it in, or don't, good director's don't need to talk your ear off to justify their job. Woody Allen says a lot of director's do this because they feel guilty at how easy the job is. Secondly, when Paul saw that I was going awry, he came out and just sat down casually like we were going to talk about babes and conversationally, without ever telling what he wanted me to do, got me to do what he wanted me to do.



There's a great story in Bruce Campbell's first book about Sam Raimi directing Gene Hackman. With the possible exception of Darkman, Raimi had only really every directed his friends and nobody's, and now he was on this big movie with screen legend, Gene Hackman. Bruce Campbell was on set the first day and told Sam it would be a whole different world directing big stars with big egos, Sam didn't think so. Gene Hackman comes out and Sam says "Gene I want you to walk out the door, sit in the chair, look down the street, and doff your hat." Hackman says "I'm not doing any of that." Bruce Campbell laughed. Sam then proceeds over ten slow coersive minutes to convince Gene that all these movements were Gene's own idea. The first take, Gene walks out, sits in the chair, looks down the street, and doffs his hat. Sam turns to Bruce and says "who's the man?"

Congratulations Paul.