I JUST TURNED OFF THE OSCARS. I LASTED LONGER THAN I EXPECTED.
I was actually avoiding writing, which is what I'm avoiding right now, but I'm avoiding it more productively. How stupid was the hubub about "the controversial" Chris Rock hosting the Oscars. Didn't he stop being controversial when he had that half-ass talk show on HBO, was he ever really that controversial? And do people really wonder if he's going to say "fuck" on the air? One thing I have to give him, I thought he was destined for Jim Breuer-ness after SNL, he's re-invented himself tto the point where most people forget he was on SNL. That may be because he was incredibly forgettable during the most forgettable years that show has had. Those years literally anger me. I know I take comedy more personal than most, but those years make me want to throw the tv out the window at how piss poor the writing was. I mean for God's sakes YOU'RE THE HIGHEST PAID SKETCH COMEDIANS ON TV!!! AND THAT'S ALL YOU CAN COME UP WITH?!?!
So how awful was Robin Williams? I can't stand him at the Oscars, it's THE EXACT SAME BIT EVERY YEAR. I can't believe he did a "could you imagine Jack Nicholson as X" joke. You should go to comedy jail for that.
I've only seen two of the main Oscar Picks, the first two acts of Million Dollar Baby, and the last act of Million Dollar Baby.
I really wish they have never given Animated movies their own category, I think they should have to fight for legitimacy like comedies have to. Now every Animated film of the year gets to claim that it's nominated for an Oscar, NOMINATED FOR AN OSCAR! (because four animated films had to be). This category needed to go fuck itself from it's inception because it was created the year the Waking Life came out, and I thought: Oh that's nice, finally a category that can recognize that not all animated films are for kids and that the genre has some life outside of Walt Disney and it's legitimacy is now cemented...and then not only is Waking Life not nominated but Jimmy Neutron is!
HOW DO THE STUDIOS KNOW WHAT WILL BE THE BEST MOVIES OF THE YEAR?
That kind of takes the fun out of it doesn't it? So I know I won't see the best movie of the year in March? I can just put that expectation out of my mind when seeing any movie prior to November, eh? That's just no fun. Not that anybody really think's Blade II will get nominated for an Oscar anyway, maybe they should come up with a Vampire category.
But really, shouldn't it be harder to make a good movie? Shouldn't the academy be more picky than to just pick the one's the studios released in November/December? And if the studios know so accurately what a good movie is enough to release them at the right time so as to make more money via the tie-in, couldn't they conceivably make good movies all year? Or would nobody go see Million Dollar Baby in May? The answer is...nobody would give a shit about any of these movies any other time of the year. They'd all make $30 million less any other time of the year. It's a scam a huge scam. Do you think if X-Men 3 were released February 1st any of these movies would have a chance against it?
But seriously could you imagine Jack Nicholson as a Vampire? I think it might go a little something like this...
MY TOP PICKS OF THE YEAR
1) Bourne Supremacy - I didn't think I could like anything more than Collateral, but holy shit this movie rocked like only genius directors and writers and producers can rock. You just can't shit out a franchise film and have it turn out this good. The character of Bourned speaks maybe 10 lines in the movie and yet the character is amazing, he's got everything going for him that all great about action hero's have, and I'll put the car chase in this movie up against any car chase.
2) Collateral - Here's some good writing for you. Great first act, it establishes that he's got this goal, the island resort cab company, he has a picture of the island on the car's sunshade flap, he can always pull it down and look at his future, at 18 minutes into the movie that is replaced with the card and phone number of Jada Pinkett's character, now he has this new goal this new future that he has to get to if he can get through this night. Act One ends when the body hits the car, fantastic twist to take us into act two. Great characters, great dialogue.
V: Thousands of Rwandan's die everyday and you're worried about some fat angelino.
M: I don't know any Rwandans.
V: You don't know the guy in the trunk either. Allright, he was a criminal, engaged in a continuing criminal enterprise, happy?
And it was directed Michael Mann, and it is SUCH a Michael Mann film. I love when directors do films that are SO THEM. Like any Tim Burton film, how does one man with such a peculiar vision find so many films that only he could direct? How THERE am I to see Tim Burton work with Johnny Depp and Danny Elfman work together to create Charlie and The Chocolate Factory? Can you say perfect collaboration? However it will be coming out in July, so I guess it won't be one of the best films of the year.
THE NOMINEES FOR THE 2006 OSCARS ARE OUT!
(actually I just went to www.countingdown.com and saw what's releasing in November and December)
Here's the films the critics and academy will agree are the best of the year and some of them haven't even been shot yet!
Memoirs of a Geisha
All The Kings Men (Jude Law and Sean Penn for best Actors)
The New World (I hear Emmanuel Lubezki may be up for Best Cinematography once someone's seen the photography he did)
Jarhead (Chris Cooper for Best Actor)
Rent
Walk The Line (I hear Jaquin Phoenix might have a shot at Best Actor once he's acted in this)
How big a farce will the Oscars be when I'm right? What if the Superbowl were like this?
Sunday, February 27, 2005
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
Things I Learned in the RedEye Today - 2/22/05
Paris Hilton had her phone numbers from her cellphone downloaded and put on the internet. And it's the biggest story in the history of mankind. Everybody's talking about it, including (get this) morning DJ's, some of whom have done parody songs about it. Columnists are even talking about it (that means it's huge). It's the biggest story since Michael Jackson got a cold that one day last week. There's also little blurbs about how you can prevent the same thing from happening to you and your cellphone. I wouldn't worry, though because nobody gives a shit about you.
Thursday, February 10, 2005
Things I Learned in the RedEye Today - 2/10/05
So I've been getting free RedEye's each morning. Evidently there's some things that concern me that they have decided to inform me of. Today I learned that there's this girl on Angry Housewives, and I thought she was a lesbian, but she's not. Also I think Mark Bazer bought a chair.
Saturday, February 5, 2005
Writing Retreat 3: Rise of the Machines
AND WE DID BECOME MACHINES
Between January 8th and 15th, the core group, Katie Watson (Sirens), and Conner Kalista (Too Much Light) traveled to a secluded house in Michigan, out of cellphone reception range to write 12 episodes of the radio show to round out Season Two to the contractually obligated 60 Episodes.
Two Weeks Prior to that we all sat down and threw out some ideas. Each of us brought five overall themes for episodes and pitched them. These Hundred-or-so ideas were posted on a whiteboard and we voted for the illustrious twelve, twenty are chosen and revoted on, and then those are revoted on.
AND THE WINNERS ARE...
Prior to Christmas the following Themes for Episodes 45-60 were chosen.
Delay
Entire episodes takes place during a 30 minute delay at an airport.
Hey, Can I Crash Here?
Based on the theme of party, crashers, life crashers, adn unwelcome guests.
Speed Dating
Show based on couples and relationships in which every sketch is two minutes long.
Day In The Life of America's Heart & Soul
Based on Angelina jolie's upcoming project, which shows what everyone's doing at exactly the same time on the same day all over the world.
:30
A show that takes place in realtime, on cubs opening day, a half hour from the first pitch.
We Didn't Start The Fire
The Chicago Fires, the famous one and the Lasalle Bank Building one too, plus the Billy Joel Song.
Fanaticism
Fanaticism.
Who Killed Scruffy McMuffin?
A very old idea.
The Apartment
Several stories that take place in the apartment that surrounds a frustrated writer on deadline to finish his novel.
Ed Bus
A documentary on Ed Bus and his re-election campaign leading up to election day.
61
Schadenfreude splits up after 60 and goes in many diverse directions and career choices, when it's revealed that we still owe WBEZ one more episode, the show tracks us down and brings us back for one more show, that show, of cours is this one.
There's one show I haven't listed and I'll just call it Episode X, I will not tell you what it's them is or what's it's about, it would ruin you discovering it for yourself. In theory it's my favorite thing we've done, it hasn't been recorded or aired, but I really love it. I can't wait for you to hear it.
TWO WEEKS LATER WE WENT TO MICHIGAN
For an entire day we pitched ideas under each theme. For another day we went through every sketch in every episode and figured out the best way for them to interlock and recur to create the flow we try and achieve in our show. Then we riffed on the ideas and took detailed notes. Then we were ready to break off and write in groups, but before we could do that we had to take another day and expand the sketch ideas as a group so the that the groups would go smoothly. We wrote the beats for each scene "and then he does this, and then the other guys says something like this, and then they both have pie." Then three groups, one on each floor went away and spent between 6 and 12 hours on each episode. Then we reconvened and repeated the process of expand and breaking off for every episode.
Best Writing Retreat Moments:
Justin and Sandy putting in overtime in the basement to write not one, but two ed bus shows. The shows create a whole new world for Ed bus to exist in with a great antagonist, supercorporation Dinnerbansky & Ross and their global domination plans, superbitch lawyers, and exercise machine entrepreneurs, and Arnold Schwarzeneggar.
The first read of We Didn't Start The Fire - flawless structure from the first read. Love it.
The first read of Episode X, and Katie Watson's Uncanny word-for-word typing ability from the original discussion session.
My Arnold Scwarzeneggar Bit, an observation I've always had on Arnold and how he plugs his stupid movies on Jay Leno, it made everyone laugh.
Writing with Conner. First time I ever wrote with him, very clever. Best Lines: "Hey do you guys have a dumpsink so I can wash my comforter" "For the next two minutes we have a sale on knives and ice in the back next to the upturned palattes" and "I fell off my elliptical machine onto my priceless collection of Crossbows" (you'll get ti when you hear them, no time to explain)
The First reading of the first six episodes.
Traditionally we hold the reading of the scripts until the last night of the retreat. But this time we rewarded ourselves for our work so far by doing a reading. What a good idea. We all needed the release so bad. It gave us so much energy, I've never laughed harder at what probably wasn't that funny just because I needed the release.
The most fun thing at every retreat is coming up with clever line while writing and anticipating springing the line on the rest of the group to get that first reaction. Each writing staff member will hear that joke 20 more times during the editing and rehearsal process, so a new hilarious line will never be funnier to the group than that first time you spring it on them. It's the closest the writing staff gets to being audience members, "I cried from my fun place." "I never jacked off a sleeping homeless guy." and "Reyna did me a favor...a HAND favor." are amongst my favorites.
So for two weeks we edited and rehearsed the episodes and tomorrw morning we record the first four of the lot. So I'm rehearsing right now. I'll give you the blow by blow of recording CRASH, DELAY, SPEED DATING, and A DAY IN THE LIFE tomorrow.
Between January 8th and 15th, the core group, Katie Watson (Sirens), and Conner Kalista (Too Much Light) traveled to a secluded house in Michigan, out of cellphone reception range to write 12 episodes of the radio show to round out Season Two to the contractually obligated 60 Episodes.
Two Weeks Prior to that we all sat down and threw out some ideas. Each of us brought five overall themes for episodes and pitched them. These Hundred-or-so ideas were posted on a whiteboard and we voted for the illustrious twelve, twenty are chosen and revoted on, and then those are revoted on.
AND THE WINNERS ARE...
Prior to Christmas the following Themes for Episodes 45-60 were chosen.
Delay
Entire episodes takes place during a 30 minute delay at an airport.
Hey, Can I Crash Here?
Based on the theme of party, crashers, life crashers, adn unwelcome guests.
Speed Dating
Show based on couples and relationships in which every sketch is two minutes long.
Day In The Life of America's Heart & Soul
Based on Angelina jolie's upcoming project, which shows what everyone's doing at exactly the same time on the same day all over the world.
:30
A show that takes place in realtime, on cubs opening day, a half hour from the first pitch.
We Didn't Start The Fire
The Chicago Fires, the famous one and the Lasalle Bank Building one too, plus the Billy Joel Song.
Fanaticism
Fanaticism.
Who Killed Scruffy McMuffin?
A very old idea.
The Apartment
Several stories that take place in the apartment that surrounds a frustrated writer on deadline to finish his novel.
Ed Bus
A documentary on Ed Bus and his re-election campaign leading up to election day.
61
Schadenfreude splits up after 60 and goes in many diverse directions and career choices, when it's revealed that we still owe WBEZ one more episode, the show tracks us down and brings us back for one more show, that show, of cours is this one.
There's one show I haven't listed and I'll just call it Episode X, I will not tell you what it's them is or what's it's about, it would ruin you discovering it for yourself. In theory it's my favorite thing we've done, it hasn't been recorded or aired, but I really love it. I can't wait for you to hear it.
TWO WEEKS LATER WE WENT TO MICHIGAN
For an entire day we pitched ideas under each theme. For another day we went through every sketch in every episode and figured out the best way for them to interlock and recur to create the flow we try and achieve in our show. Then we riffed on the ideas and took detailed notes. Then we were ready to break off and write in groups, but before we could do that we had to take another day and expand the sketch ideas as a group so the that the groups would go smoothly. We wrote the beats for each scene "and then he does this, and then the other guys says something like this, and then they both have pie." Then three groups, one on each floor went away and spent between 6 and 12 hours on each episode. Then we reconvened and repeated the process of expand and breaking off for every episode.
Best Writing Retreat Moments:
Justin and Sandy putting in overtime in the basement to write not one, but two ed bus shows. The shows create a whole new world for Ed bus to exist in with a great antagonist, supercorporation Dinnerbansky & Ross and their global domination plans, superbitch lawyers, and exercise machine entrepreneurs, and Arnold Schwarzeneggar.
The first read of We Didn't Start The Fire - flawless structure from the first read. Love it.
The first read of Episode X, and Katie Watson's Uncanny word-for-word typing ability from the original discussion session.
My Arnold Scwarzeneggar Bit, an observation I've always had on Arnold and how he plugs his stupid movies on Jay Leno, it made everyone laugh.
Writing with Conner. First time I ever wrote with him, very clever. Best Lines: "Hey do you guys have a dumpsink so I can wash my comforter" "For the next two minutes we have a sale on knives and ice in the back next to the upturned palattes" and "I fell off my elliptical machine onto my priceless collection of Crossbows" (you'll get ti when you hear them, no time to explain)
The First reading of the first six episodes.
Traditionally we hold the reading of the scripts until the last night of the retreat. But this time we rewarded ourselves for our work so far by doing a reading. What a good idea. We all needed the release so bad. It gave us so much energy, I've never laughed harder at what probably wasn't that funny just because I needed the release.
The most fun thing at every retreat is coming up with clever line while writing and anticipating springing the line on the rest of the group to get that first reaction. Each writing staff member will hear that joke 20 more times during the editing and rehearsal process, so a new hilarious line will never be funnier to the group than that first time you spring it on them. It's the closest the writing staff gets to being audience members, "I cried from my fun place." "I never jacked off a sleeping homeless guy." and "Reyna did me a favor...a HAND favor." are amongst my favorites.
So for two weeks we edited and rehearsed the episodes and tomorrw morning we record the first four of the lot. So I'm rehearsing right now. I'll give you the blow by blow of recording CRASH, DELAY, SPEED DATING, and A DAY IN THE LIFE tomorrow.
Thursday, January 20, 2005
The Schadenfreude Writing Retreat: A Brief History
Okay. So I got back from Japan (to sum up, don't trust non-Japanese in Rappongi, Tokyo) and immediatly went to the weeklong Schadenfreude writing retreat in New Buffalo, MI. To get you up to speed; back in November '03 we were screwed, getting Episodes 1-20 of the show up was like pulling teeth; the shows were written over the previous 11 months in a piecemeal manner, over the course of the standard workweek, meeting at night, the same way our stageshows had been written. But around November we were running out of episodes and we needed ten more to finish out our contract. We needed ten episodes written fast, so we altered the way we had been working and decided to get all ten episodes done over a 5 day period in a secluded location. Stephe's wife's parents had a summer house in Michigan and it was as far from summer as it got. So off we went. But much like everything to do with Season 1, we had no idea how to do it.
Let me take a step back.
We had no idea how to do any of Season 1. Season 1, in total, would require us to produce 15 hours of content over the course of a year and a half, at that point Schadenfreude had not written 15 total hours of content from 1996 to 2003.
Process 1: Episodes 1-10
Originally each member of the group brought in whole shows, the shows were comprised of ten sketches based on pitches they had previously made to the group. The sketches and shows were entirely written by them alone. Despite the fact that these shows were themed, the sketches were broken up and a new theme was chosen. I think that's how we did it, it might have even been more counterproductive than that. We edited and rewrote each other's sketches as a whole group and eventually shitted out ten episodes this way and realized how in dire need we were of a writing process.
Process 2: Episodes 11-20
This time the group did not bring in whole shows or written sketches, the group brought in pitches for sketches, which would then be clarified, given structure and new ideas in a group-writing setting. Then themes would be found amongst the large number of sketches, sectioned off and then produced as shows. After each sketch had been recorded we would find links between each sketch or transitions and then record them the week of the broadcast. If you listen to episodes 1-10, and 10-20, you can hear that they are much more disjointed and haphazard. They wreak of the process by which they were created.
Process 3: Episodes 21-30: Writing Retreat 1
Which brings me back to where I left off. For Retreat 1 we all brought pitches for show concepts, the ten concepts were chosen and then we pitched sketches, adding to and clarifying the ideas through group-writing. Then we figured out which sketches would go best with what themes. Then we split into two (three?) smaller groups and wrote the episodes as a whole. We also brought in the first member of our writing staff, Joel Friend, to write with us. The process was still flawed, the shows still came out very disjointed and ROUGH, but we were miles away from where it had started one year previous.
Process 4: Episodes 31-45 Writing Retreat 2
After a bit of time off between seasons, we reconvened in Lake Geneva in the middle of acres of solitude while Justin's parents were away. This time we wrote for 6 days and were assisted by the very talented Katie Watson of Sirens. This time we had decided on our themes weeks in advance of the retreat to give us time to write sketches specifically to the themes of each show. The theme was put up and each sketch was pitched as a part of that show, some migrated because they were closer to other themes. A new process of Group Conceptualizing for each show was implemented to really get the shows down before everyone split off into three groups to write the shows. The process was getting much better, as you can tell from listening to this season the shows are much more integrated (listen to Episode 32: Reign), but we realized a couple flaws. Despite the amount of group-conceptualizing given to each show, it wasn't enough. Sketches came back a little off the mark or with the original idea somewhat forgotten and floundering, requiring rediscussion and more rewriting. Also, the time period between large-group-writing and small group writing was too long, we were writing some of the shows a full four days since we had conceptualized them and we had forgotten a lot of detail from the conceptualization stage. In this retreat we also added a table read on the last two days in which the rest of the production team, Michael Ognisanti, Michael Schwartz, and Shiow Jau-Young came up to Lake Geneva to listen to the weeks work be read. Two shows did not get completed and were completed much the way we would have in the first season, and you can tell. This was definitely a step up from what had come before.
And that brings us up to...
Process 5: Episodes 46-60
to be continued on tomorrow's blog; WRITING RETREAT 3: RISE OF THE MACHINES!!!
Let me take a step back.
We had no idea how to do any of Season 1. Season 1, in total, would require us to produce 15 hours of content over the course of a year and a half, at that point Schadenfreude had not written 15 total hours of content from 1996 to 2003.
Process 1: Episodes 1-10
Originally each member of the group brought in whole shows, the shows were comprised of ten sketches based on pitches they had previously made to the group. The sketches and shows were entirely written by them alone. Despite the fact that these shows were themed, the sketches were broken up and a new theme was chosen. I think that's how we did it, it might have even been more counterproductive than that. We edited and rewrote each other's sketches as a whole group and eventually shitted out ten episodes this way and realized how in dire need we were of a writing process.
Process 2: Episodes 11-20
This time the group did not bring in whole shows or written sketches, the group brought in pitches for sketches, which would then be clarified, given structure and new ideas in a group-writing setting. Then themes would be found amongst the large number of sketches, sectioned off and then produced as shows. After each sketch had been recorded we would find links between each sketch or transitions and then record them the week of the broadcast. If you listen to episodes 1-10, and 10-20, you can hear that they are much more disjointed and haphazard. They wreak of the process by which they were created.
Process 3: Episodes 21-30: Writing Retreat 1
Which brings me back to where I left off. For Retreat 1 we all brought pitches for show concepts, the ten concepts were chosen and then we pitched sketches, adding to and clarifying the ideas through group-writing. Then we figured out which sketches would go best with what themes. Then we split into two (three?) smaller groups and wrote the episodes as a whole. We also brought in the first member of our writing staff, Joel Friend, to write with us. The process was still flawed, the shows still came out very disjointed and ROUGH, but we were miles away from where it had started one year previous.
Process 4: Episodes 31-45 Writing Retreat 2
After a bit of time off between seasons, we reconvened in Lake Geneva in the middle of acres of solitude while Justin's parents were away. This time we wrote for 6 days and were assisted by the very talented Katie Watson of Sirens. This time we had decided on our themes weeks in advance of the retreat to give us time to write sketches specifically to the themes of each show. The theme was put up and each sketch was pitched as a part of that show, some migrated because they were closer to other themes. A new process of Group Conceptualizing for each show was implemented to really get the shows down before everyone split off into three groups to write the shows. The process was getting much better, as you can tell from listening to this season the shows are much more integrated (listen to Episode 32: Reign), but we realized a couple flaws. Despite the amount of group-conceptualizing given to each show, it wasn't enough. Sketches came back a little off the mark or with the original idea somewhat forgotten and floundering, requiring rediscussion and more rewriting. Also, the time period between large-group-writing and small group writing was too long, we were writing some of the shows a full four days since we had conceptualized them and we had forgotten a lot of detail from the conceptualization stage. In this retreat we also added a table read on the last two days in which the rest of the production team, Michael Ognisanti, Michael Schwartz, and Shiow Jau-Young came up to Lake Geneva to listen to the weeks work be read. Two shows did not get completed and were completed much the way we would have in the first season, and you can tell. This was definitely a step up from what had come before.
And that brings us up to...
Process 5: Episodes 46-60
to be continued on tomorrow's blog; WRITING RETREAT 3: RISE OF THE MACHINES!!!
Saturday, January 1, 2005
Kyoto, Nara, and Random OBservations
So prior to New Years I visited Kyoto with Miron and his Japanese girlfriend, Rocky. Rocky is short for something, something longer I'm assuming. Kyoto looks like Park City minus the film-festival, a little town at the foot of a mountain. And if you climb that mountain you can see Monkeys! Running in the wild. This is why they call it Monkey Mountain. Monkeys are cool.
Did you know that the starting price to buy a cat here is $85? And I don't mean pedigree, I mean the same cats that get offed daily in pro-kill shelters all across America. A puppy? $1,200.
I find myself forgetting I'm in Japan when I'm hanging out with Miron and his English-Speaking friends, drinking, chatting, trading The Office quotes, what-have-you. Then we all leave the dormitory and hop on a Subway headed for somewhere and all-of-a-sudden I'm surrounded by Japanese people. It's always shocking. I also can't get over that I'm speaking a foreign language when I converse in English. I always think of the people chattering away in Chinese on the El in Chicago and realize that I'm now that person.
So I went to Nara, Nara is one of the oldest cities in Japan. It was founded in 700 AD and is the home of the Great Buddha an enormous Bronze statue of the Buddha that boggles the mind as to how ancient people cast such a thing. It is housed in the biggest temple in Japan. Actually it might not be the biggest temple in Japan but I doubt I'll see a bigger one. Anyway, it's as big as all those old antiquitites that you can't believe how big they are are.
The only other foreign country I've been to is Scotland (not all that foreign, in that they speak english and drink a lot). One thing I love about going to foreign countries is pocket change, since all other countries have coins for the dollar and even a five dollar coin here, your pocket always gets filled up with change in foreign country. We should do away with the dollar and go to the dollar coin in American. Oh, I know, we "have" the dollar coin, but we don't. The problem is the Dollar coin is being used as a liberal propaganda platform with an Indian or a Women's Suffrage Leader on the coin. That's bullshit, nobody's going to buy into that. Tell you what, put Reagan on the Dollar coin and see how quickly congress makes that and the elimination of the dollar bill happen. The Republicans haven't gotten their way in a month, give it to them. I love the veneration of Reagan (the Lenin of the Conservative Revolution) by the Republicans, but also the hesitancy of those same Republicans to state in any way that W (the Stalin of the Conservative Revolution) is the heir to that legacy. Because he sucks and they know it. Feels like America's living under a Czar, Bush II, Henry V, Reagan III.
Oops, talking about Bush from a country with an Emperor, that's my cue, I'm going to go get coffee in a metal can from a machine and cigarettes from a machine and go to Universal Studios Japan so I can go on a lot of non-subtititled video event rides.
shinsaibashi,
adw
Did you know that the starting price to buy a cat here is $85? And I don't mean pedigree, I mean the same cats that get offed daily in pro-kill shelters all across America. A puppy? $1,200.
I find myself forgetting I'm in Japan when I'm hanging out with Miron and his English-Speaking friends, drinking, chatting, trading The Office quotes, what-have-you. Then we all leave the dormitory and hop on a Subway headed for somewhere and all-of-a-sudden I'm surrounded by Japanese people. It's always shocking. I also can't get over that I'm speaking a foreign language when I converse in English. I always think of the people chattering away in Chinese on the El in Chicago and realize that I'm now that person.
So I went to Nara, Nara is one of the oldest cities in Japan. It was founded in 700 AD and is the home of the Great Buddha an enormous Bronze statue of the Buddha that boggles the mind as to how ancient people cast such a thing. It is housed in the biggest temple in Japan. Actually it might not be the biggest temple in Japan but I doubt I'll see a bigger one. Anyway, it's as big as all those old antiquitites that you can't believe how big they are are.
The only other foreign country I've been to is Scotland (not all that foreign, in that they speak english and drink a lot). One thing I love about going to foreign countries is pocket change, since all other countries have coins for the dollar and even a five dollar coin here, your pocket always gets filled up with change in foreign country. We should do away with the dollar and go to the dollar coin in American. Oh, I know, we "have" the dollar coin, but we don't. The problem is the Dollar coin is being used as a liberal propaganda platform with an Indian or a Women's Suffrage Leader on the coin. That's bullshit, nobody's going to buy into that. Tell you what, put Reagan on the Dollar coin and see how quickly congress makes that and the elimination of the dollar bill happen. The Republicans haven't gotten their way in a month, give it to them. I love the veneration of Reagan (the Lenin of the Conservative Revolution) by the Republicans, but also the hesitancy of those same Republicans to state in any way that W (the Stalin of the Conservative Revolution) is the heir to that legacy. Because he sucks and they know it. Feels like America's living under a Czar, Bush II, Henry V, Reagan III.
Oops, talking about Bush from a country with an Emperor, that's my cue, I'm going to go get coffee in a metal can from a machine and cigarettes from a machine and go to Universal Studios Japan so I can go on a lot of non-subtititled video event rides.
shinsaibashi,
adw
Friday, December 31, 2004
(insert Japanese word for Happy New Year here)
I must have asked 100 times what the word for that was last night. Still can't remember thought my vocabulary is improving. Hai-Dozo = Here, have this thing, Hai-Domo = I will take this thing and thank you for it. You can seriously get by in Japan just knowing the words for thank you = Arigoto-Gozaimas, and I'm good = Daishoubu. You hear those two words constantly. Thank you thank you thank you thank you, yes yes yes, and I'm happy, thank you, I'm happy thank you, yes. The politest people on the entire earth.
I haven't been to Tokyo yet. Tokyo is the New York of Japan, Osaka is the Chicago, working class. And Shinsaibashi is the Bucktown (but on acid. Shinsiabashi IS like being in Blade Runner) and Namba is the Wicker park. I spent new Years in Namba. A friend of Miron's, AKI, just opened a bar there called, get this, "You'rewelcome GlobalGeneration" Yeah. If I were to write a Japanese character with a bar called that and put it on the radio show we'd get fired for stereotyping. Brief caveat: Only speaking six words in Japanese, I have spoken a lot of English to the Japanese (they all know a teeny bit of English), and I've found the best way to get them to understand english is to speak it like a Japanese-sterotype. Slow with words pronounced Japanese-ey, sometimes even substituting L's and R's. It works.
So Yourwelcome GlobalGeneration is a great bar. It's the size of an efficiency in Chicago, actually everything is the size of an efficiency in Chicago, stores, bars, restaurants. They're a small people. They need less room than us. It looks like a hip Wicker Park bar, at one end of the efficiecy is the elevator you exited to enter and the other end is a glass box that looks six floors down onto the main street in Namba. Actually every street in Japan looks like a main street or an alley. There are no actual alleys, just streets that look like them. Big enough for a tiny Japanese car. Main streets are any street that runs under a Highway (their freeways are ginormous and criss-cross above your head while walking the main streets) or Elevated Train line (there are so many trains running everywhere in Japan).
So we counted down to 2005 in Lost In Translation, then Aki took us to a Temple. Everyone in Japan goes to Temples at midnight. We got there and it was like a County Fair, thousands of people coming to pray for the new year and buy Fair Food. The Japanese have their own regular food, but they also have their versions of Elephant Ears and Funnel Cakes. Check out what I ate; a Flat Waffle cone (same shit they feed the deer in Nara) covered in barbecue sauce with rice krispies sprinkled on it, then and egg with bacon on top of that and the whole thing is covered in mayonaise. What the fuck? I thought, well it's stupid in conception but I bet the taste justifies it's stupidity...NO! It's not even a good combo on any level, they should add oranges just to make it stupider.
Gotta go, people are coming over for Tako-Yaki (Octopus Balls) I'll report back later tonight.
Yeah, I know, Octupus Balls...funny.
I haven't been to Tokyo yet. Tokyo is the New York of Japan, Osaka is the Chicago, working class. And Shinsaibashi is the Bucktown (but on acid. Shinsiabashi IS like being in Blade Runner) and Namba is the Wicker park. I spent new Years in Namba. A friend of Miron's, AKI, just opened a bar there called, get this, "You'rewelcome GlobalGeneration" Yeah. If I were to write a Japanese character with a bar called that and put it on the radio show we'd get fired for stereotyping. Brief caveat: Only speaking six words in Japanese, I have spoken a lot of English to the Japanese (they all know a teeny bit of English), and I've found the best way to get them to understand english is to speak it like a Japanese-sterotype. Slow with words pronounced Japanese-ey, sometimes even substituting L's and R's. It works.
So Yourwelcome GlobalGeneration is a great bar. It's the size of an efficiency in Chicago, actually everything is the size of an efficiency in Chicago, stores, bars, restaurants. They're a small people. They need less room than us. It looks like a hip Wicker Park bar, at one end of the efficiecy is the elevator you exited to enter and the other end is a glass box that looks six floors down onto the main street in Namba. Actually every street in Japan looks like a main street or an alley. There are no actual alleys, just streets that look like them. Big enough for a tiny Japanese car. Main streets are any street that runs under a Highway (their freeways are ginormous and criss-cross above your head while walking the main streets) or Elevated Train line (there are so many trains running everywhere in Japan).
So we counted down to 2005 in Lost In Translation, then Aki took us to a Temple. Everyone in Japan goes to Temples at midnight. We got there and it was like a County Fair, thousands of people coming to pray for the new year and buy Fair Food. The Japanese have their own regular food, but they also have their versions of Elephant Ears and Funnel Cakes. Check out what I ate; a Flat Waffle cone (same shit they feed the deer in Nara) covered in barbecue sauce with rice krispies sprinkled on it, then and egg with bacon on top of that and the whole thing is covered in mayonaise. What the fuck? I thought, well it's stupid in conception but I bet the taste justifies it's stupidity...NO! It's not even a good combo on any level, they should add oranges just to make it stupider.
Gotta go, people are coming over for Tako-Yaki (Octopus Balls) I'll report back later tonight.
Yeah, I know, Octupus Balls...funny.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)