Short-Haired Chick Friday: Teen Fantasy Edition

I know, she doesn't have short hair in that poster, Alyssa Milano is a recent convert to being a short-haired chick, and it's very welcome. I didn't drool over a lot of teen idols when I was a teen, with one huge exception, Alyssa Milano. Richard Jones (once again) was a major vagina-maven in our teen years and had all the teen chick mags. He floated me all the Alyssa ones. Soon, amongst the Friday The 13th, Halloween, Star Wars, Robocop, and Indiana Jones posters was a very significant ares of wall real-estate dedicated to this babe, including Alyssa's equivalent to the Nastassja Kinski Snake poster, the Alyssa In Hockey Gear poster. Oh the nights I spent with that as the last thing I saw before going off to sweet dreams.

And then, as if under the same executive decree that required Natalie Portman to cut her hair, she did me a huge favor and fell in line.



Hey, stop looking there, we're talking about her hair.

Actually before she buzzed it for that stupid show she's on right now she cut it short once before, does anyone remember Street Fighter: The Movie?



Never trust an action movie shot in Cleveland.

Supercalifragilisticexpialiafuckyou

What happened to the day when a double standard was enough standard? Fuck deficit reduction, I want standard reduction, how about one, your own.

Here's a bunch of liars and the lies they told because it fit the party line, they don't have their own opinions, they are robots programmed to lie and lie and lie. Get your own opinion you motherfuckers or I'm coming to Washington to pass legislation to legally let me strangle you all to death. Let Adam strangle you to death, or the terrorists win.

From Crooks And Liars

Here's what Republicans said about Clinton and Kosovo

Why did they second-guess our commitment to freedom from genocide and demand that we cut and run?

"President Clinton is once again releasing American military might on a foreign country with an ill-defined objective and no exit strategy. He has yet to tell the Congress how much this operation will cost. And he has not informed our nation's armed forces about how long they will be
away from home. These strikes do not make for a sound foreign policy."

-Senator Rick Santorum (R-PA)

"No goal, no objective, not until we have those things and a compelling case is made, then I say, back out of it, because innocent people are going to die for nothing. That's why I'm against it."

-Sean Hannity, Fox News, 4/5/99

"American foreign policy is now one huge big mystery. Simply put, the administration is trying to lead the world with a feel-good foreign policy."

-Representative Tom Delay (R-TX)

"If we are going to commit American troops, we must be certain they have a clear mission, an achievable goal and an exit strategy."

-Karen Hughes, speaking on behalf of presidential candidate George W. Bush

Why did they demoralize our brave men and women in uniform?

"I had doubts about the bombing campaign from the beginning...I didn't think we had done enough in the diplomatic area."

-Senator Trent Lott (R-MS)

"You think Vietnam was bad? Vietnam is nothing next to Kosovo."

-Tony Snow, Fox News 3/24/99

"Well, I just think it's a bad idea. What's going to happen is they're going to be over there for 10, 15, maybe 20 years"

-Joe Scarborough (R-FL)

"I'm on the Senate Intelligence Committee, so you can trust me and believe me when I say we're running out of cruise missles. I can't tell you exactly how many we have left, for security reasons, but we're almost out of cruise missles."

-Senator Inhofe (R-OK )

"I cannot support a failed foreign policy. History teaches us that it is often easier to make war than peace. This administration is just learning that lesson right now. The President began this mission with very vague objectives and lots of unanswered questions. A month later, these questions are still unanswered. There are no clarified rules of engagement. There is no timetable. There is no legitimate definition of victory. There is no contingency plan for mission creep. There is no clear funding program. There is no agenda to bolster our overextended military. There is no explanation defining what vital national interests are at stake. There was no strategic plan for war when the President started this thing, and there still is no plan today"

-Representative Tom Delay (R-TX)

"I don't know that Milosevic will ever raise a white flag"

-Senator Don Nickles (R-OK)

"Explain to the mothers and fathers of American servicemen that may come home in body bags why their son or daughter have to give up their life?"

-Sean Hannity, Fox News, 4/6/99

Why didn't they support our president in a time of war?

"Victory means exit strategy, and it's important for the President to explain to us what the exit strategy is."

-Governor George W. Bush (R-TX)

"This is President Clinton's war, and when he falls flat on his face, that's his problem."

-Senator Richard Lugar (R-IN)

"The two powers that have ICBMs that can reach the United States are Russia and China. Here we go in. We're taking on not just Milosevic. We can't just say, 'that little guy, we can whip him.' We have these two other powers that have missiles that can reach us, and we have zero defense thanks to this president."

-Senator James Inhofe (R-OK)

"You can support the troops but not the president"

-Representative Tom Delay (R-TX)

"My job as majority leader is be supportive of our troops, try to have input as decisions are made and to look at those decisions after they're made ... not to march in lock step with everything the president decides to do."

-Senator Trent Lott (R-MS)

For us to call this a victory and to commend the President of the United States as the Commander in Chief showing great leadership in Operation Allied Force is a farce"
-Representative Tom Delay (R-TX)

Why did they blame America first?

Bombing a sovereign nation for ill-defined reasons with vague objectives undermines the American stature in the world. The international respect and trust for America has diminished every time we casually let the bombs fly."

-Representative Tom Delay (R-TX)

"Once the bombing commenced, I think then Milosevic unleashed his forces, and then that's when the slaughtering and the massive ethnic cleansing really started"

-Senator Don Nickles (R-OK)

Clinton's bombing campaign has caused all of these problems to explode"

-Representative Tom Delay (R-TX)

"America has no vital interest in whose flag flies over Kosovo's capital, and no right to attack and kill Serb soldiers fighting on their own soil to preserve the territorial integrity of their own country"

-Pat Buchanan (R)

"These international war criminals were led by Gen. Wesley Clark ...who clicked his shiny heels for the commander-in-grief, Bill Clinton."

-Michael Savage

"This has been an unmitigated disaster ... Ask the Chinese embassy. Ask all the people in Belgrade that we've killed. Ask the refugees that we've killed. Ask the people in nursing homes. Ask the people in hospitals."

-Representative Joe Scarborough (R-FL)

"It is a remarkable spectacle to see the Clinton Administration and NATO taking over from the Soviet Union the role of sponsoring "wars of national liberation."

-Representative Helen Chenoweth (R-ID)

"America has no vital interest in whose flag flies over Kosovo's capital, and no right to attack and kill Serb soldiers fighting on their own soil to preserve the territorial integrity of their own country"

-Pat Buchanan (R )

"By the order to launch air strikes against Serbia, NATO and President Clinton have entered uncharted territory in mankind's history. Not even Hitler's grab of the Sudetenland in the 1930s, which eventually led to WW II, ranks as a comparable travesty. For, there are no American interests whatsoever that the NATO bombing will
either help, or protect; only needless risks to which it exposes the American soldiers and assets, not to mention the victims on the ground in Serbia."

-Bob Djurdjevic, founder of Truth in Media

I rant therefore I am

I took an amazing class in college, Media Analysis. Considering most homes have cable, and most cable has between 36 and 500 channels, there's a lot of media, and a lot of message, so I've always been an advocate for Media Studies as a requirement in High Schools, kids should be taught to pick apart the message they're being delivered whether it's buy cereal, buy a car, or buy our justification of bombing Iraq. My two new favorite websites are very effective at picking apart the message.

http://mediamatters.org/

http://www.newshounds.us/

Here's two more proposals I wish the next Democratic Candidate would pick up .

Media Analysis as a required class in high schools. Fuck typing, cancel that shit, our children deserve better than what the media gives them. Pick the other side and try and justify why this shouldn't be taught, I don't think you'd win in a debate.

An FCC requirement to label television programs as Entertainment or News. And "News" should be monitored by a Federal Agency who fact checks everything seen in the above website. It's not fair that this stuff should go out as news when it's actually entertainment. How dare the Michelle Malkin'sof the world claim to be serious news analysts, you're an entertainer, just like Michael Moore, or maybe not, if you set up an agency to fact check "news" who would win, Michelle Malkin or Michael Moore? How come Michael Moore if considered a headline grabbing opportunist for the "radical left" and Michelle Malkin is a serious news analyst? You're the fucking dumb little pixie that I sat next to in Mass Com class who dreamed of being a local news anchor and has aligned herself with the best way to get famous, if there had never been a Rush Limbaugh and a Newt Gingrich you would be a fucking weather girl on El Paso channel 6.

What's funny is that the right supposedly hates the "famous" and "rich" like Tim Robbins. How much money you makin' on your stupid new book, Michelle, who gets more TV time Michelle, you or Susan Sarandon? And didn't you all essentially vote and continue to support the White House version of Tori Spelling? He's the son of a rich famous guy, he worked as hard for his lead role as Colin Hanks did for Orange County!! If you've ever said "I hate rich, famous Hollywood types, I love George Bush" You are a fucking idiot and should have your balls irradiated to prevent you from spilling your seed in any vagina on earth.

And WHAT THE FUCK IS THE RADICAL LEFT?!?!? You mean the Weather Underground? That's the last time the Left was radical, and I *believe* they've disbanded. You mean the radical left that wants universal health care? Holy shit, hide your kids! What about the radical right, Tim McVeigh, Eric Rudolph (1996 Olympic Park bombing), James Kopp (1998 abortion doctor shooting), and the 70 or 80 militias that started in the 90's, All stoked by the right-wing to defend their nation against...uh, Universal Health care.

I hope Michelle Malkin falls off a cliff. I don't want her to die, just bounce a lot on the way down.

The only great thing about all this is that the Right Wing message is getting more fevered, more wrong, more angry, more victimized, way dumber, and oddly...more confident. It's a wonderful recipe for epic public disaster that ought to set them back forever. Plus The White House is in deep shit, and these dumbshits are contractually obligated to spin every disaster, and disaster is on the way

You are supposed to be for the people, not above them

Mmm, Dissent, the other side of the argument, I love that there's another side of all arguments, a weaker or stronger side. If I've learned one thing from Schadenfreude, it's an intense love of Democracy at it's theorectical core. "You've got a better idea? Prove it, if you can, you win." To get an idea accepted you've got to be prepared, fight hard, and you better truly have a better option, because your argument will be tested, intensly. Bush needs to go a couple rounds with Kaufmann on what's funny and what's not.

Who would you trust more, someone who's willing to discuss the issue, or someone who refuses to because they're right? If you've got such a good argument, why would you need to cheat? The right wing propagandists need to be attacked for their move to stifle debate as very obvious evidence they're hiding something. Let's use their tactics on them, stifling debate is unamerican. There, now who's the dick? See, remove their ability to use that tactic by calling it unamerican, and the catch is, IT IS UNAMERICAN!! Could anyone who seeks to hush any side of an agrument be honest? Isn't that a sign, if not THE sign, of dishonesty? "We'll open the discussion for debate, but keep in mind if you take the other side, you are the devil...okay, opening comments, or do we just want to vote?" And they hold debate on issues and candidates to the same standard. Remember how they came out against the Democrats for fielding a candidate, remember when that was UnAmerican?

I think the word "Un-American" is Un-American. Why can't the Democrats come out and say that? They want to speak in syllogism, then shove it up their own asses? How could some component of the phrase House UnAmerican Activities Committee not be harshly scrutinized? Dissent has pulled us back from the brink from the most gruesome uses of Patriotism, and publicly embarrased people like Joe McCarthy, who was taken seriously for many years, hurting thousands. He could not be questioned, for it was unpatriotic to do so. I know you all know this, but why do we insist on repeating history? Actually, why do we insist on repeating Germany's history????

Name the last time Patriotism brought any good? World War II? It probably did raise some war bonds, but then World War II is the Star Wars of wars, everybody likes it, you don't even need to put it on the list, it's hard to come down on the side of Hitler unless you view him as the patriot who started the war, Patriotism put Asians in concentration camps, and it was to blame for the prolonging of the war. No matter which side you take on Hiroshima, you can blame Patriotism either way. Fascist Italy, like all fascism can be blamed on Patriotism. Let's start a War On Fascism in this country, Hilary should list off the 13 signs of Fascism, come out against it, and ask for any politician to take the other side, the Republicans would have to take the other side, right? See, shove their tactic right up their asses. Thoughts, I'll put it up for debate.

Coming Soon...

A little explanation is in order for the piece of video that can be found on the front page of the site. It's supposed to look animated, but it's really small, so now it kinda doesn't. Anyway, the way it came up is that we have been discussing the future direction of Schadenfreude and something I've been particularly obsessed with is Rotoscope animation, or the type of animation you see in Waking Life.



I thought it might be a unique take on scenario comedy. So I started brainstorming with my friend Ryan at BODC Labs, a small indie post-house, of a way to simulate Rotoscope without the pain-in-the-ass of keyframe animation. So what you're seeing is our first application of a process we call Fauxtoscope. It's overlayed on video that can be found elsewhere in the site, however, being that it's so small on the site, you kinda can't tell there's an animation overlay anyway.

HOWEVER I BEG OF YOU



to sit through exactly two minutes to see the digital tracking shot out of the Dinnerbansky & Ross Building. One of the great things about Fauxtoscope is that it obscures all the errors that call the human eyes attention to digital creation, giving you unlimited opportunities for cheap in-house special effects. Also because it cuts the whole image down to 30 or 40 colors, it's easier to pull mattes, so there's actually no reason to leave the house to shoot an entire show in several hundred locations, or even do a show that is merely a re-enactment of the last 24 minutes of True Lies.

One long running joke that can only be shown digitally is the D&R Building, one of two objects that can be seen from space. The size of the D&R building has always been a long-running joke for us, but one so visual that it has never made it to stage or radio, In scale miles, the picture you see of the D&R Building is 1 mile away. The building is taller than those Malaysia Buildings and on the bottom thirty stories are longer than an AirCraft Carrier. Only in the digital domain.

Anyway, thought you'd find that interesting, however ineffective the whole thing might be on the site.

Coming Soon...

A little explanation is in order for the piece of video that can be found on the front page of the site. It's supposed to look animated, but it's really small, so now it kinda doesn't. Anyway, the way it came up is that we have been discussing the future direction of Schadenfreude and something I've been particularly obsessed with is Rotoscope animation, or the type of animation you see in Waking Life.



I thought it might be a unique take on scenario comedy. So I started brainstorming with my friend Ryan at BODC Labs, a small indie post-house, of a way to simulate Rotoscope without the pain-in-the-ass of keyframe animation. So what you're seeing is our first application of a process we call Fauxtoscope. It's overlayed on video that can be found elsewhere in the site, however, being that it's so small on the site, you kinda can't tell there's an animation overlay anyway.

HOWEVER I BEG OF YOU



to sit through exactly two minutes to see the digital tracking shot out of the Dinnerbansky & Ross Building. One of the great things about Fauxtoscope is that it obscures all the errors that call the human eyes attention to digital creation, giving you unlimited opportunities for cheap in-house special effects. Also because it cuts the whole image down to 30 or 40 colors, it's easier to pull mattes, so there's actually no reason to leave the house to shoot an entire show in several hundred locations, or even do a show that is merely a re-enactment of the last 24 minutes of True Lies.

One long running joke that can only be shown digitally is the D&R Building, one of two objects that can be seen from space. The size of the D&R building has always been a long-running joke for us, but one so visual that it has never made it to stage or radio, In scale miles, the picture you see of the D&R Building is 1 mile away. The building is taller than those Malaysia Buildings and on the bottom thirty stories are longer than an AirCraft Carrier. Only in the digital domain.

Anyway, thought you'd find that interesting, however ineffective the whole thing might be on the site.

Don't Spit the Blood

We came prepared with bits, but boy did they not need them. I've known The Don't Spit guys, Brian Bowden and Steve Gadlin, for years as they are ex-Oxford, Ohio Tower Players. For those not in the know, that improv institution which has supplied Chicago with a plethora of talent. Andy Eninger (Band Geeks, Gayco), Heather Elam (Gayco), Matt Larsen (Paper Spaceship, Comedy Sportz), Larry Shure (The Playground), Becky Edridge (Band Geeks), Fred Mowery (WNEP), Stephen Gluck (WNEP), and many many others. Brian and Steve have put together a great show with a lot of talent which is a lot of fun. When we do a guest spot we come prepared with bits, but Steve, Brian, and the cast kept things so energetic from moment to moment that there was nary time, and when we did get into a bit, we were distracting from the energy of the show.

We did get one bit in, Justin claimed that he almost didn't make it because his doctor told him he shouldn't hold fluids in his mouth for long amounts of time, but he decided to forge ahead and play the game. He loaded his mouth with puke for the first one, and when he spit, it was gross vegetable soup puke. The last one, the speed round, Justin loaded his mouth with blood and sprayed me with it. I won a t-shirt they found at Walgreens that said "When God Created Black Women He Was Just Showing Off." Which is, like, the best t-shirt ever. Thanks for the good time Steev and Brian.