Accuracy In Eating

I was eating at 3am in a diner because that is one of life's truly great pleasures when a thought occurred to me. Well, I'm a writer so thoughts don't occur so much as they spring forth into the universe already whole with a bloodthirsty desire to be imparted to the nearest waitress, stranger, or unenviable girlfriend.

How come there's no name for the meal you eat at 3am?

There's Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner. When you eat, it has a name; but what parameters define what label? It can't be the order; if you eat three meals before 10am, you would not be thin and the third meal would not be dinner. It can't be type; grits eaten at 6pm may be an odd choice but it is not breakfast. Therefore I think the paramater is time.

Don't interrupt. I'm going somewhere with this.

Breakfast: Any meal eaten between 5am and 9:00am
Lunch: Any meal eaten between 11:00 am and 2pm
Dinner: Any meal eaten between 3:30pm (my Grandparents) and 10pm (my Parents).

Which leaves Brunch, the fake meal taking place partially in Breakfast Time and partially in Lunch Time, roughly between 9:00 and 11:00. Really Brunch is more defined by how your dressed than anything else. If you got dressed, left the house, and are eating at 11, then you're eating brunch. If you're still in your pajamas and eating at 11 then you are eating lunch you lazy slob or freelance web designer.

Now before I go on, I know you all have questions, but for the love of science please shut up.

There are two obvious gaps in the meal plan. What am I eating if I'm eating at 2:30 pm? That's not lunch...it's not dinner either, today on Schadenfreude.net I declare all meals eaten between 2pm and 3:30pm: Dunch. That's right, Dunch. Start using it now, we've got years to catch up on. Okay, practical application: let's say you're supposed to meet with someone for Dinner to discuss the potential ramifications of jury verdict against you, suggest to them that you meet a little earlier and say "We should meet for Dunch." When they say "What?" Plug our website.

There's also a large gap between 10pm and 5am. We all know that you can't have dinner at Midnight (nor can you really at 10, but tell my parents that), but what you CAN have is...Midnosh. That's right, Midnosh. Start using it now, we've got years to catch up on. Okay, practical application: let's say you stay out late at the bar with a potential sexual partner or member of your bowling league and perhaps before you go home to have sex or fall asleep full of regret, or both, you want to grab a bite to eat at an all-night diner so you can overhear Adam's latest theory, you would say "Hey, before we go home, shall we partake in some Midnosh?" When they say "What?" Plug our website.

In closing, I know it's not a perfect system but it's a system and if that's good enough for the United States of America then it should be good enough for you. Yes, I know there are third-shifters out there, I was a third-shifter for years myself, I feel your pain. I'm also not bending the rules for you. It's 3pm, you just woke up, you're eating cereal, that cereal my friend, is what's for Dunch.

My Immediate Reactions to Episode 47: :30

Just finished listening to Episode 47: :30 and I think I've found my new favorite episode. The storytelling is some of the best we've done, the story really moves. I really want to listen to it again right now because I know i missed so much (and I already knew the story!!).

Our format has changed significantly over the last two years. I have a few friends and family who have faithfully listened to the show since day one, but i wouldn't expect it of anyone. The show started out as a clumsy amlagamation of sketches with music in between each, in Episode 16 those music cues got replaced with clumsy links that would be recorded week-of, that took us from sketch to sketch and also to the 1,2,3 runners. The links got better as we rerecorded larger chunks of sketches towards the end of season one. When we went on a retreat to write Episodes 30-40 we had this new format in mind, it was like writing for a new show, we came up with a format best Evidenced in Episodes 31, 32, and 34, very streamlined with wild tangents such as World Destroying Volcanoes being stopped by Bootsy Collins or A Giant Dr. Phil destroying Tokyo. Episode 32 is so streamlined that it almost plays out like a linear story.

Which is what was in my mind when I heard our newest innovation - Episode 47: :30.

This is the first time we've we've told a linear story, the parody of 24 was a great excuse to tell a single linear story. It would not surprise me if more shows end up linear stories in Season 3. We have two more coming up this season, they are Part 1 and Part 2 of the Ed Bus story. I don't think it will be much of a stretch to do more linear storylines, we seem to be heading in that direction.

I think the reason this comes naturally is that the mechanics of all scenes are the same mechanics as sketches anyway, scenes in a movie or play just can't lay flat, they all have their own game the way sketches do, opportunities are presented to the hero and obstacles are put in their place, it all plays out the same way.

We try to have seven jokes a minute, this is very evident in :30, it's packed with jokes, just because they're jokes doesn't mean they're all gut-busters, but I think filling time with smaller jokes, asides, and references that keep the energy up while we build to something larger is an art itself. Also, while Todd Voorhies travels from sketch to sketch you can fill time with jokes which makes the audience less aware that we're linking from one thing to another.

I laughed out loud more at :30 than I think I have at any other show, and I just know this one will get better with successive listenings. That was fun.

The Glorious Mess

The Glorious Mess, originally uploaded by PinthGarnell.

If you don't know, there's something big on the Horizon, or depending upon your interest in the history of Schadenfreude, something average may be on the horizon. I am currently compiling 8 years of Schadenfreude Footage for the Schadenfreude Web Documentary Series. A multi-part series which will air once a week starting in May. I am hip-deep in shitty old 8mm footage of us from Second City. The goal right now is to boil all this shitty old footage into a few entertaining shorts and then get into the footage from 2000 when I got my slim DV cam, that's when the footage gets really good. It will be quite an accomplishment when it's up and going. If you see me glowing around May 1 it will be from an intense sense of accomplishment. Oh, and I will no longer be living with my psycho roommate, oh man, I need to blog about that, but I must get back to work, which I should also blog about. That's it! Next week, new lease on life, I will blog every day, I'll let you know how the doc project's going, I will let you know where I work, and I'll let you know about the Psycho Roommate From Helllllllll. bye.

Viva Voce with Scotland Yard at the Metro tonight!

I don't know shit about music, I don't know shit about the indie scene, the last concert i went to was Def Leppard at the UIC Pavilion two years ago, but there are two bands I like right now and somehow they have ended up on the stage at the Metro tonight. Pure twist of fate brought Viva Voce to my attention, I discovered them while acting in their music video, check it out at

http://www.amorephonics.com/alivewpleasure.mov

It's directed by the brilliant Steve Delahoyde and it stars me as the Mayor Of Music Videos, reportedly it's playing on a loop in the H&M on Michigan and has been a big hit on the show 120 minutes on MTV Europe.

Bottom line, Viva Voce is awesome, and I never declare any music awesome. I heard Alive With Pleasure on the set of the shoot and thought it was SO good. Then they gave me a CD after the shoot and the whole thing was GREAT! EVERY SONG! You must check them out, go to iTunes, listen to "Daylight" and if you like it, just buy the whole damn album. Then come to the show.

And then, through a completely unconnected series of events (though, are there really ANY unconnected events?) I ended up at a show for the Scotland Yard Gospel Choir who puts like 15 people on their stage playing up to four guitars and horns and three singers, it's so much music, I've never heard such a multilayered sound out of a band that you could see at a bar. I was hooked on them too.

So: Number of Bands discovered in the last year - 2
Number of those bands that are playing together tonight at the Metro - 2

See you there.

Mommy and Daddy Fighting Style Killer Panda

MommyandDaddy, originally uploaded by PinthGarnell.

I love this photo.

Streets of Japan

Japangraffiti01, originally uploaded by PinthGarnell.

Hey all, just testing out the wonderul Flickr program at Flickr.com. This should be a good way to post when I don't have tons of time to formulate thoughts for the blog (unlike the astoundingly prolific Justin Kaufmann). Also finally you can see some of the cool photo's I took in Japan. Like this one!

I Think I Have A Secret Desire to Get Stuck In An Elevator

I have this huge Chrome bag. www.chromebags.com Best backpack/sidebag ever EVER invented. They took every complaint I've had about every backpack or sidebag I've owned for 25 years and fixed all of the problems I had. Bravo. I love this thing, one of it's great attributes is that it's very big. "The Metropolis" is name of this size. There is one bigger, called "The Kremlin" which, I'm not kidding, could fit a five year old.

I take my day with me, my bag today contains, my journal, computer, workout clothes, palmpilot, digital camera, sunglasses, coffee cup, and ipod. Already too much. But my reading material is too much too, an obsession. Here's what there is to read in my bag, A Devil's Due comic (Breakdown, on sale now), A 120 page script, a workout magazine, A Final Cut Pro HD tutorial CD-rom, and a Scr(i)pt magazine. Now, how many of these could I actually read today? One, two if you include the comic. But I actually make decisions on what third and fourth piece of reading I take with me. It's retarded. Should I take this or this? When I'll never get around to it anyway. That's why I think I have a subliminal desire to get stuck in an elevator, because I would have plenty to read unlike most people. Because, of course, that's the real danger when you get stuck in an elevator, boredom.

I would stop doing this, but it makes me interesting.