Feed your inner Tyler Durden

How smart are these guys? Evidently, due to great oversight from many bookstore chains 1984 has been shelved in the wrong section! You all must help! If you go into a bookstore and they have 1984 in fiction, please reshelve next to Bush Books in the non-fiction or political sections.



Insert your Ministry of Reshelving card, then take a picture and send it to their flickr file so that the Ministry of Reshelving knows you're doing your part for freedom.

Freedom is Slavery
War is Peace
Ignorance if Strength

POWER ON!

Sorry I've been away for so long but I had a wedding in Cleveland, a Schadenfreude Promo video, a new movie at my production company and a whole bunch of unacceptable sitting on my ass to accomplish. While sitting on my ass I watched Zentropa, Orgazmo, Dawn of the Dead (2004), Stander, Captain America (the 60's cartoon), Captain Power (yes, that Captain Power, can you tell I went to the comicon?) Gamera (2001), Cutey Honey (live action, 2003 and perhaps the greatest movie ever made), The Aristocrats, Dukes of Hazzard (perhaps the greatest movie ever), 40 Year old Virgin (Funniest movie since Ron Burgundy), and the 1980's toy tie-in classic animation, Visionaries: Knights of the Magical Light. Oh and a ton of Monty Python, and Curb Your Enthusiasm Season 3, and the Daily Show DVD set. So. Back to work. Tonight Schadenfreude meets for the first time since the last time, technically we are on sabbatical, but as you might notice have been meeting every week or so to guest spot in someone else's show, but tonight we actually get back together to talk sketch, specifically rewriting a few old sketches just in case we end up auditioning for the Aspen Comedy Festival, which is also what I'm creating a video for. I'm taking the concept vaguely put forth in the animation test that's up on the site somewhere and grounding it a little. Playing clips from the radio show of Phudi Mart, Ed Bus, and Dinnerbansky and Ross and tieing them together. I don't know how I'm going to do it and it's late. I've found all my audio clips but none of my video, I think I'm just going to use sample video to get the idea across for our meeting tonight. It's so late. I have got to stop sleeping though, too much time.

Star Wars in the park!

You Mowed Down His Cross

Wow.

You wonder what would make a man, a christian, no matter his opinion, drive over crosses representing the fallen. You wonder. I think we all know, and this is how truly dangerous the speech from the right-wing attack machine is, it's inciting, it's fire in a very crowded, very twitchy movie theatre full of armed citizens, murder of a "traitor" will be next, as the right more and more sharply defines the disagreeers as enemies of state, this civil war will get bloody. They have brought some dangerous people into their fold because a vote is a vote, no matter who gets hurt in the process, I think they've been pretty clear on that. Sacco & Vanzetti were unavailable for comment.

From Truthout.org

You Mowed Down His Cross
By Perry Jefferies, First Sergeant, USA (retired)
t r u t h o u t | Letter

Thursday 18 August 2005

Mr. Northern:

I am a Veteran of the Iraq war, having served with the 4th Infantry Division on the initial invasion with Force Package One.

While I was in Iraq, a very good friend of mine, Christopher Cutchall, was killed in an un-armored HMMWV outside of Baghdad. He was a cavalry scout serving with the 3d ID. Once he had declined the award of a medal because Soldiers assigned to him did not receive similar awards that he had recommended. He left two sons and a wonderful wife. On Monday night, August 16, you ran down the memorial cross erected for him by Arlington West.

One of my Soldiers in Iraq was Roger Turner. We gave him a hard time because he always wore all of his protective equipment, including three pairs of glasses or goggles. He did this because he wanted to make sure that he returned home to his family. He rode a bicycle to work every day to make sure that he was able to save enough money on his Army salary to send his son to college. At Camp Anaconda, where the squadron briefly stayed, a rocket landed inside a tent, sending a piece of debris or fragment into him and killed him. On Monday night, August 16, you ran down the memorial cross erected for him by Arlington West.

One of my Soldiers was Henry Bacon. He was one of the finest men I ever met. He was in perfect shape for a man over forty, working hard at night. He told me that he did that because he didn't have much money to buy nice things for his wife, who he loved so much, so he had to be in good shape for her. He was like a father to many young men in his section of maintenance mechanics. They fixed our vehicles with almost no support and fabricated parts and made repairs that kept our squadron rolling on the longest, fastest armor advance ever made under fire. He was so very proud of his son-in-law that married the beautiful daughter so well raised by Henry. His son-in-law was a helicopter pilot with the 1st Cavalry Division, who died last year. Henry stopped to rescue a vehicle belonging to another unit on what was to be his last day in Iraq. He could have kept rolling - he was headed to Kuwait after a year's tour. But he stopped. He could have sent others to do the work, but he was on the ground, leading by example, when he was killed. On Monday night, August 16, you took it upon yourself to go out in the country, where a peaceful group was exercising their constitutional rights, and harming no one, and you ran down the memorial cross erected for Henry and for his son-in-law by Arlington West.

Mr. Northern - I know little about Cindy Sheehan except that she is a grieving mother, a gentle soul, and wants to bring harm to no one. I know little about you except that you found your way to Crawford on Monday night in August with chains and a pipe attached to your truck for the sole purpose of dishonoring a memorial erected for my friends and lost Soldiers and hundreds of others that served this nation when they were called. I find it disheartening that good men like these have died so that people like you can threaten a mother who lost a child with your actions. I hope that you are ashamed of yourself.

Perry Jefferies, First Sergeant, USA (retired)

Short-Haired Chick Friday: Teen Fantasy Edition

I know, she doesn't have short hair in that poster, Alyssa Milano is a recent convert to being a short-haired chick, and it's very welcome. I didn't drool over a lot of teen idols when I was a teen, with one huge exception, Alyssa Milano. Richard Jones (once again) was a major vagina-maven in our teen years and had all the teen chick mags. He floated me all the Alyssa ones. Soon, amongst the Friday The 13th, Halloween, Star Wars, Robocop, and Indiana Jones posters was a very significant ares of wall real-estate dedicated to this babe, including Alyssa's equivalent to the Nastassja Kinski Snake poster, the Alyssa In Hockey Gear poster. Oh the nights I spent with that as the last thing I saw before going off to sweet dreams.

And then, as if under the same executive decree that required Natalie Portman to cut her hair, she did me a huge favor and fell in line.



Hey, stop looking there, we're talking about her hair.

Actually before she buzzed it for that stupid show she's on right now she cut it short once before, does anyone remember Street Fighter: The Movie?



Never trust an action movie shot in Cleveland.

Supercalifragilisticexpialiafuckyou

What happened to the day when a double standard was enough standard? Fuck deficit reduction, I want standard reduction, how about one, your own.

Here's a bunch of liars and the lies they told because it fit the party line, they don't have their own opinions, they are robots programmed to lie and lie and lie. Get your own opinion you motherfuckers or I'm coming to Washington to pass legislation to legally let me strangle you all to death. Let Adam strangle you to death, or the terrorists win.

From Crooks And Liars

Here's what Republicans said about Clinton and Kosovo

Why did they second-guess our commitment to freedom from genocide and demand that we cut and run?

"President Clinton is once again releasing American military might on a foreign country with an ill-defined objective and no exit strategy. He has yet to tell the Congress how much this operation will cost. And he has not informed our nation's armed forces about how long they will be
away from home. These strikes do not make for a sound foreign policy."

-Senator Rick Santorum (R-PA)

"No goal, no objective, not until we have those things and a compelling case is made, then I say, back out of it, because innocent people are going to die for nothing. That's why I'm against it."

-Sean Hannity, Fox News, 4/5/99

"American foreign policy is now one huge big mystery. Simply put, the administration is trying to lead the world with a feel-good foreign policy."

-Representative Tom Delay (R-TX)

"If we are going to commit American troops, we must be certain they have a clear mission, an achievable goal and an exit strategy."

-Karen Hughes, speaking on behalf of presidential candidate George W. Bush

Why did they demoralize our brave men and women in uniform?

"I had doubts about the bombing campaign from the beginning...I didn't think we had done enough in the diplomatic area."

-Senator Trent Lott (R-MS)

"You think Vietnam was bad? Vietnam is nothing next to Kosovo."

-Tony Snow, Fox News 3/24/99

"Well, I just think it's a bad idea. What's going to happen is they're going to be over there for 10, 15, maybe 20 years"

-Joe Scarborough (R-FL)

"I'm on the Senate Intelligence Committee, so you can trust me and believe me when I say we're running out of cruise missles. I can't tell you exactly how many we have left, for security reasons, but we're almost out of cruise missles."

-Senator Inhofe (R-OK )

"I cannot support a failed foreign policy. History teaches us that it is often easier to make war than peace. This administration is just learning that lesson right now. The President began this mission with very vague objectives and lots of unanswered questions. A month later, these questions are still unanswered. There are no clarified rules of engagement. There is no timetable. There is no legitimate definition of victory. There is no contingency plan for mission creep. There is no clear funding program. There is no agenda to bolster our overextended military. There is no explanation defining what vital national interests are at stake. There was no strategic plan for war when the President started this thing, and there still is no plan today"

-Representative Tom Delay (R-TX)

"I don't know that Milosevic will ever raise a white flag"

-Senator Don Nickles (R-OK)

"Explain to the mothers and fathers of American servicemen that may come home in body bags why their son or daughter have to give up their life?"

-Sean Hannity, Fox News, 4/6/99

Why didn't they support our president in a time of war?

"Victory means exit strategy, and it's important for the President to explain to us what the exit strategy is."

-Governor George W. Bush (R-TX)

"This is President Clinton's war, and when he falls flat on his face, that's his problem."

-Senator Richard Lugar (R-IN)

"The two powers that have ICBMs that can reach the United States are Russia and China. Here we go in. We're taking on not just Milosevic. We can't just say, 'that little guy, we can whip him.' We have these two other powers that have missiles that can reach us, and we have zero defense thanks to this president."

-Senator James Inhofe (R-OK)

"You can support the troops but not the president"

-Representative Tom Delay (R-TX)

"My job as majority leader is be supportive of our troops, try to have input as decisions are made and to look at those decisions after they're made ... not to march in lock step with everything the president decides to do."

-Senator Trent Lott (R-MS)

For us to call this a victory and to commend the President of the United States as the Commander in Chief showing great leadership in Operation Allied Force is a farce"
-Representative Tom Delay (R-TX)

Why did they blame America first?

Bombing a sovereign nation for ill-defined reasons with vague objectives undermines the American stature in the world. The international respect and trust for America has diminished every time we casually let the bombs fly."

-Representative Tom Delay (R-TX)

"Once the bombing commenced, I think then Milosevic unleashed his forces, and then that's when the slaughtering and the massive ethnic cleansing really started"

-Senator Don Nickles (R-OK)

Clinton's bombing campaign has caused all of these problems to explode"

-Representative Tom Delay (R-TX)

"America has no vital interest in whose flag flies over Kosovo's capital, and no right to attack and kill Serb soldiers fighting on their own soil to preserve the territorial integrity of their own country"

-Pat Buchanan (R)

"These international war criminals were led by Gen. Wesley Clark ...who clicked his shiny heels for the commander-in-grief, Bill Clinton."

-Michael Savage

"This has been an unmitigated disaster ... Ask the Chinese embassy. Ask all the people in Belgrade that we've killed. Ask the refugees that we've killed. Ask the people in nursing homes. Ask the people in hospitals."

-Representative Joe Scarborough (R-FL)

"It is a remarkable spectacle to see the Clinton Administration and NATO taking over from the Soviet Union the role of sponsoring "wars of national liberation."

-Representative Helen Chenoweth (R-ID)

"America has no vital interest in whose flag flies over Kosovo's capital, and no right to attack and kill Serb soldiers fighting on their own soil to preserve the territorial integrity of their own country"

-Pat Buchanan (R )

"By the order to launch air strikes against Serbia, NATO and President Clinton have entered uncharted territory in mankind's history. Not even Hitler's grab of the Sudetenland in the 1930s, which eventually led to WW II, ranks as a comparable travesty. For, there are no American interests whatsoever that the NATO bombing will
either help, or protect; only needless risks to which it exposes the American soldiers and assets, not to mention the victims on the ground in Serbia."

-Bob Djurdjevic, founder of Truth in Media

I rant therefore I am

I took an amazing class in college, Media Analysis. Considering most homes have cable, and most cable has between 36 and 500 channels, there's a lot of media, and a lot of message, so I've always been an advocate for Media Studies as a requirement in High Schools, kids should be taught to pick apart the message they're being delivered whether it's buy cereal, buy a car, or buy our justification of bombing Iraq. My two new favorite websites are very effective at picking apart the message.

http://mediamatters.org/

http://www.newshounds.us/

Here's two more proposals I wish the next Democratic Candidate would pick up .

Media Analysis as a required class in high schools. Fuck typing, cancel that shit, our children deserve better than what the media gives them. Pick the other side and try and justify why this shouldn't be taught, I don't think you'd win in a debate.

An FCC requirement to label television programs as Entertainment or News. And "News" should be monitored by a Federal Agency who fact checks everything seen in the above website. It's not fair that this stuff should go out as news when it's actually entertainment. How dare the Michelle Malkin'sof the world claim to be serious news analysts, you're an entertainer, just like Michael Moore, or maybe not, if you set up an agency to fact check "news" who would win, Michelle Malkin or Michael Moore? How come Michael Moore if considered a headline grabbing opportunist for the "radical left" and Michelle Malkin is a serious news analyst? You're the fucking dumb little pixie that I sat next to in Mass Com class who dreamed of being a local news anchor and has aligned herself with the best way to get famous, if there had never been a Rush Limbaugh and a Newt Gingrich you would be a fucking weather girl on El Paso channel 6.

What's funny is that the right supposedly hates the "famous" and "rich" like Tim Robbins. How much money you makin' on your stupid new book, Michelle, who gets more TV time Michelle, you or Susan Sarandon? And didn't you all essentially vote and continue to support the White House version of Tori Spelling? He's the son of a rich famous guy, he worked as hard for his lead role as Colin Hanks did for Orange County!! If you've ever said "I hate rich, famous Hollywood types, I love George Bush" You are a fucking idiot and should have your balls irradiated to prevent you from spilling your seed in any vagina on earth.

And WHAT THE FUCK IS THE RADICAL LEFT?!?!? You mean the Weather Underground? That's the last time the Left was radical, and I *believe* they've disbanded. You mean the radical left that wants universal health care? Holy shit, hide your kids! What about the radical right, Tim McVeigh, Eric Rudolph (1996 Olympic Park bombing), James Kopp (1998 abortion doctor shooting), and the 70 or 80 militias that started in the 90's, All stoked by the right-wing to defend their nation against...uh, Universal Health care.

I hope Michelle Malkin falls off a cliff. I don't want her to die, just bounce a lot on the way down.

The only great thing about all this is that the Right Wing message is getting more fevered, more wrong, more angry, more victimized, way dumber, and oddly...more confident. It's a wonderful recipe for epic public disaster that ought to set them back forever. Plus The White House is in deep shit, and these dumbshits are contractually obligated to spin every disaster, and disaster is on the way