Last Time on Falcon Crest

Tired of Lance's irresponsible behavior, Angela becomes disenchanted with him as heir to Falcon Crest. In order to prove his worth, Lance explodes Chase's pump house, which makes Angela furious, and she threatens to disinherit him. After Lance starts a fight with Mario, Mario requires hospitalization. In order to spur Lance, Angela courts Cole to be the heir to Falcon Crest. While Chase and Maggie prepare to bring in their first harvest, Lance pays off the pickers, while Chase fights to get his son back. After Cole realizes what is really happening at the big house, he returns home to assist his family. When Chase learns about the bribe, he confronts Angela, and regains his pickers. By offering to help secure a university scholarship for Mario, Angela gets the charges dropped. Falling in love, Vicky and Mario have to part so that Mario can start school.

Who?: It's Short-Haired Chick Friday

Just when I say "well I posted Vasquez, I think I'm officially out..." Charley comes up and says "Hey I just saw this movie 'Brick', there's a chick in it that you'd love." This is code for "short-haired chick." This is the advantage of embracing my fetish, people give me material.



So it turns out there's this show called Everwood (sounds dirty). And evidently in it is this actress named Nora Zehetner and evidently she's in this great new film Brick.

All I know is that hair is short!



And she's got that "aw-shucks"-y innocence which is particularly attractive.



See, look at that, she's just hanging out in her t-shirt and aw gosh she could take it or leave it. I like that. I like it in general, but for a celebrity to pull off that "genuine" act, double-good.

Here's my favorite, I don't know why.



Maybe it's because this is how she would look if we were just hanging out. Maybe it's because nothing's sexier than jeans. Maybe it's because she's at Sundance in this picture. I don't know, I like that one.



And you could direct planes to land with her eyes. I like Anime eyes. Nora defines Anime eyes, look at those. I could see her with a skimpy outfit and giant sword, hanging in the air with lines zipping down behind her as she battles a giant cthulu robot that came out of her vagina after she got raped by a ball of metal that fell from space. Nobody seen that anime? Nobody?



I'm grabbing at straws here. I heard an interview with the director of Brick. That's something to talk about while those big eyes tick by. It's completely written as a noir, with the hardnosed cop, the femme fatale, the complex plot, noir dialogue, everything, and then simply transplanted to a high school.



The bar become a lunch room, the police chief becomes the principal, and being taken off the case becomes being thrown out of school. It sounds great and Charley's review was glowing.



The director went around to all the studios, but they all felt it was too "execution-dependent", in other words "great concept, too easy to fuck up by a first-time director." So he raised $500,000 and made it himself.



And that's Nora Zehetner. You're welcome.

By the way, a little short-haired news: Carla Barger, ex-girlfriend and short-haired chick who looked like this for most her life...

...has been growing her hair down to her ass for three years, but rumor has it, she has cut the hair. She'll be at the Rent party, we'll see if it's true.

Bubble, Last Days, Gerry, Elephant, and Life Itself pt. 2

So I had heard that Gerry was simply Matt Damon and Casey Affleck just walking around for 90 minutes. It is. But after I was absolutely entranced by Kurt Cobain (or some facsimile thereof) walking around for 90 minutes I couldn't wait to watch Matt Damon do it.

Gerry is the pure experiment that sparked Last Days and Elephant. After Matt Damon & Casey Affleck (who I think should be in everything) get lost while trying to find "the thing" (what they were looking for is never stated) they walk around the most gorgeously blank landscape in the most beautifully composed shots having the most naturalistic conversations EVER!

They say that filmmaking is being inspired by every new challenge, the reality of filmmaking is that there's a challenge every two minutes. When filmmakers like Gus Van Sant in this trilogy and Steven Soderbergh in Schizopolis and Bubble just remove every crutch and all that's left bare when devoid of script and plot and performance and dialogue is the pure inspiration of every moment. That's why I like these quiet films, it's almost like watching a CAT scan of the director's brain for 90 minutes.

I was really into the film until the first conversation and then I fell in love. Matt & Casey have been lost for about five minutes and they walk silently for a full five minutes, and then Casey starts talking, clearly finishing a story who's beginning we didn't hear. "...so she asks for the letter D..." or something like that and after a minute we realize that Casey had seen a Wheel of Fortune and is finishing the story of how some girl lost. It's a great convo, much along the lines of Ricky Jay's in The Last Days, and even though there's no jokes in it, it completely cracked me up because of the casual manner in which it's discussed. They're not discussing the plot, they're just...discussing. Then after night fall, after they "Gerry" the rendezvous (they speak in a lot of weird slang), they sit around a campfire and Casey spends six minutes talking about how he lost a game of Civilization, at least that's what I think he was talking about, it just cracked me up, and I have no idea why.



Everything was shot in desert, rocky, mountainous, and in the end desolate backdrops, setting up great shots like Matt & Casey on opposing mountaintops (a quarter mile apart) having a conversation with each of them on opposite sides of the screen. It's absurd. And then when Matt walks to Casey we have switched locales and now Casey is on top of a 40 foot rock formation and doesn't know how he got up there, this is the "dirt mattress" scene. A priceless slang conversation.

Gerry: And then we Gerried off to the animal tracks. We went up the wrong fuckin' mountain. Okay?
Gerry: And our mountain scout-about was east, so we totally Gerried the scout-about
Gerry: What are you doing on that rock?
Gerry: Looking for you.
Gerry: Why didn't you just go to the spot?
Gerry: I did. You weren't there.
Gerry: I've been there. I was just sitting there.
Gerry: Dude, that's not the spot. The spot is like a half of a mile that way. I was at the spot. I was waiting for you forever. I was yelling your name. And I just came walking up here, and I saw this rock. I crow's-nested up here to scout-about the ravine 'cause I thought maybe you gerried the rendezvous. Sure enough, that's not the spot.
Gerry: All right, my fault.
Gerry: Come on, dude, let's go.
Gerry: I can't.
Gerry: Why not?
Gerry: Fucking marooned.
Gerry: Come on. You're not rock-marooned. Just climb down.
Gerry: But I am rock-marooned. I can't climb down. I'm gonna have to jump.
Gerry: Why don't you make me a dirt-mattress?
Gerry: No, Gerry.
Gerry: Come on, dude. I crow's-nested all the way up here to scout-about the ravine 'cause you gerried the rendezvous.
Gerry: Well, I gotta haul the dirt.
Gerry: Well, get haulin'.
Gerry: I can haul it from over here.
Gerry: Shirt basket?
Gerry: Shirt basket.

There's also some amazing 100-200 yard dolly shots that are entrancing, one in which their faces are shot with a long lens, they walkers walking fast, struggling to stay in frame. Gorgeous.



Elephant is a similar freewheeling experiment with lots of new experiments such as when, at random moments the camera overcranks and everything slows down, for just a moment, lots of Gerry inspired shots, but in a High School. It's Last Days in that it's about Columbine, but with far different inspirations than exploitation. And like the other two films in Gus Van Sant's "please forget about Psycho" trilogy super-cheap, super-small, super-intimate, and super-indie.



This is why I felt that Soderbergh was channeling Van Sant for Bubble. If you don't know about it, Steven Soderbergh went to a small Ohio town, cast the entire movie out of that town and shot it for nothing on video. Like the salt flats in Gerry and the woods in Last Days Soderbergh makes gorgeous with the banal location, speaks loudly with silence and makes the world of the simplest events. Small, intimate, cheap, challenging.

Next, how these films didn't exist until I needed them to, and how Stephe and I forced Marvel's New Universe back into existence and I unveil the secret to life itself. You still don't believe me do you?

Tagged!

Justin has tagged me and now I've got some answerin' to do. Don't laugh, I read a lot of comics.

a book that made you cry: Kingdom Come (comic book). Yes a comic book. I don't cry easily. But KC is far and away the best comic book ever, gorgeously painted by Alex Ross and a script by Mark Waid that is more heroic than anything I've seen in popular culture. Heroism pushes my buttons, and gets me emotional when it's so rarely done right. There is a moment in issue 4 that is so heroic that it did bring me to tears. "'Then decide. Decide the world.' And when he cries...seven thunders utter their voices." Gives me chills just writing it, go check it out.

a book that scared you: The book I was reading while the first Nightmare on Elm Street played in the background. I think it was Modern Civics, couldn't sleep for a week.

a book that made you laugh: Parliament of Whores by P.J. O'Rourke

a book that disgusted you: Hoodwinked: The Documents that Reveal How Bush Sold Us a War.

a book you loved in elementary school: DRUMMER HOFF! "General Border gave the order, Major Scott brought the shot, Captain Bammer brought the rammer, Sergeant Chowder brought the powder, Corporal Farrell brought the barrel, Private Parriage brought the carriage, but Drummer Hoff fired it off."

a book you loved in middle school: Bloom County: Penguin Dreams and Stranger Things.

a book you loved in high school: Skywalking: The Life and Times of George Lucas

a book you hated in high school: Life on the Mississippi by Mark Twain

a book you loved in college: Quentin Tarantino: Shooting From The Hip

a series that you love: Secret Wars (the SECOND best comic of all time) I've never been so on the edge of my seat for the next months installment. I just broke it open at Borders, it is STILL a great story. Now you have two to check out.

your favorite horror book: Werewolf By Night comics, particularly his fight with The Moon Knight!

your favorite science fiction book: Crisis On Infinite Earths

your favorite fantasy book: Mike, Spike, Slackers & Dikes: A Guided Tour Across a Decade of American Independent Cinema

your favorite mystery book: Foucoult's Pendulum, I eat up mysticism and secret societies with a spoon (and yet I haven's read The Davinci Code)

your favorite biography: Quentin Tarantino: Shooting From The Hip (I easily read it three times a year)

your favorite "coming-of-age" book: Quentin Tarantino: Shooting From The Hip/Skywalking

your favorite book not on this list: Filmmakers Master Class (I have NEVER read a filmmaking book this good before or since. N-E-V-E-R

Fave Romance: True Romance shooting script

Bubble, Last Days, Gerry, Elephant, and Life Itself

I watched Bubble by one of my favoritist filmmakers, Steven Soderbergh who has decided to channel Gus Van Sant and there's nothing more perfect than Steven Soderbergh channelling Gus Van Sant. NOTHING. But that's another story.

Allright, so about Gus Van Sant...

I have been OBSESSED with Gus Van Sant lately. I cannot say enough good things about his recent trilogy (unconnected except in style) of Gerry, Elephant, and Last Days. I am so engrossed by what I call "the quiet film." Those films that are so slow, and quiet and deliberate so that they train you to look at the small things and small events drive these films. I knew about all three films but I'm so behind. One night several months ago, even though there were 100's of great films to rent I don't know why my girlfriend and I zeroed in on The Last Days. No expectations are the best expectations of all. HOLY JESUS SHIT is this film amazing, I mean, I couldn't control my excitement at how deliberate it was. Just an amazing work by Van Sant who I hadn't thought about much at all.



I think you can tell the maturity of a filmmaker when they know when to shut the fuck up. There's maybe a total of 15 lines of dialogue and maybe 30 shots, some of them so gorgeous i wanted to throw the tv out the window so that no other image would try to best what I had just seen. This would, of course, piss off my girlfriend because it was her tv. The dialogue, so natural, the shooting so free. The shot of Ricky Jay (casting Ricky Jay, can anyone say "bonus points"?) being driven down the lane just blew me away. In 100% of the movies besides Last Days the reflection of the sky and trees above a car's windshield are blocked off with a tarp hung off the towing rig so we can see the actors. Gus decided to ditch that filmic device in favor seeing the trees and sky slowly going by, it's so gorgeous. And it just keeps going on and on as Ricky Jay tells a very natural story.



It's just a story, like you came into a strangers conversation, he knows what he's talking about and we can figure it out, it's the best dialogue. No this stylized "great" Mamet/Tarantino dialogue which is supposedly naturalistic, this really is naturalistic.

Most of the film is Kurt Cobain (or some theorized facsimile of) walking around. Alone. For ninety minutes. And you cannot keep your eyes off the screen. I don't know shit about Nirvana except the day I opened the new arrivals at my college radio station and put on Nevermind. But I have this feeling that anyone that would kill themselves would feel very alone at those last moments and that's all this film does, present loneliness in 90 minutes. Factual? I have no idea. But it is fascinating to watch and I'm certain the tone of a very depressed man's last days was certainly captured.

The playful aspect of filmmaking is what really draws me in. You can tell the choices that Van Sant makes are all little experiments, and they all pay off. In contravention to most cinema, when a character walks out of frame they are sometimes not followed, only to enter frame again whenever he...walked back in that direction. There's an 8 minute dolly shot which pulls back from Kurt playing guitar, like the rest of the film, it's so gentle and quiet and natural. I really just loved every second. Glued to the set, which is a lot to say about a movie in which nothing happens, shots go on for 10 minutes and almost nobody talks. Films like this give me life as a filmmaker, not only because I really got what he was doing with every shot, but because the movie could cost $5 and be just as good. This was a very very small movie. I had to see more Van Sant, what had this man been up to since Good Will Hunting (which we'd all love if it failed and we all got to discover it on video).

And then I rented Gerry.



OH MY CHRIST!

Got to get to work, I'll continue the Gerry talk after lunch, wrap up my thoughts on Bubble and unveil the secret to life itself. You don't believe me do you?

Last Time on Falcon Crest

Paul, an old friend of Chase, rekindles fond memories of flying together in the Air Force and resurrects their dream of starting a flying service together. While Paul mentions that he has the perfect place down in the Caribbean islands, Chase indicates he's found the perfect place, too, at Falcon Crest. We learn that Paul doesn't care about starting a business, but needs a large sum of money to cover his gambling debts. Angela has promised Paul the money if he can get Chase off the land. While courting Julia, Paul learns about a disease called "bunch rot," and by opening the sprinklers in the night, seeks to make sure Chase will be ruined and forced to leave. When Paul demands his reward, Angela angrily accuses him of endangering all of the vineyards, throws him out and calls Chase. After Paul is exposed, Julia helps Chase and Maggie in preserving the vineyard.

My Routine

Morning regimen:

Wake up at first alarm. 5:30. In theory this is the perfect time to wake up, after all in the perfect world that I live in when I set my alarm I need an hour to write (5:30 - 6:30) a half hour to jog (til 7), then shower, breakfast, reading up on the film industry/writing (7 to 8). So anyway, the point is, after I hit snooze and wake up at 7:50 I'm always a very disappointed.

Get my hair and face wet. Maybe some soap in there. Dress. Done by 8:00.

Put on ipod. Put on coat, which jerks the headphones out of my ears. Put ipod in coat to give headphones slack. Zip coat, get coat caught in headphones. Put on messenger bag, jerk the headphones out of my ears. Move headphones around the bag to give them some slack. Tighten my bag, jerk the headphones out of my ears (there's a lot of random clips and buckles on my bag) Leave, it's sunny out, need to find my sunglasses. Pull bag around, jerk the headphones out of my ears (random clasp again). Put bag back on, jerk the headphones out of my ears. Get on the El, take bag off, jerk the headphones out of my ears. Arrive at Lake, put my bag back on, jerk the headphones out of my ears. Get to work, jerk the headphones out of my ears.

Call people who hate me for 8 hours.

People that annoy me on the El

The "Che-lo" guy
Ever sit next to this guy on the El? "Hello? Hello? Hello?" over and over "Hello? Hello? Hello?", and then a few words in Russian and then "Hello? Hello? Hello?" But it's more like Che-lo? Che-lo? Che-lo? Because of the accent. You hear cab drivers do this. "Che-lo? Che-lo? Che-lo?" Like they give bad phones to Russians.

The Centerline Hog
You're on the outside, you don't get as much seat, you have no right to try and fit both cheeks on the seat, that's for the first guy. I got on at Bryn Mawr, you got on at Addison, I live in a shitty neighborhood, you take the outside seat. ONE CHEEK, don't try and take more, quit shoving me into the corner. And put a Cheeto guard on that mouth.

Speaking of things that smell like puke
I washed dishes this morning and that smell that the very bottom dishes get when all the junk on them and the water you put in is get trapped and hermetically sealed below the rest of the pile. When you crack that seal, that smell. Stuck in my nose. I've been smelling it for a half hour. A little mini version of hell.

My favorite vision of Hell
Angie (used to be Ognisanti, but I'm blanking on the new name, we don't talk much) always had my favorite vision of hell: listening to George Thoroughgood And The Destroyers 24 hours a day for eternity.

The Sigh Guy
The boredom of the guy next to me makes me want to smack him. He just keeps sighing and pullout a new magazine or section of the paper that he's done with, then reads an ad and sighs. And sighs and sighs. It's really starting to piss me off. It's not my fault you don't have proper reading material!

Being made a germ freak
I'm no germ freak, I think everyone shows their age when they germ freaky, they're older, they have the time and the lack of real problems, I think it gives them something to do. I notice germ freaks get sick more often than I do. But I have gotten sneezed the fuck all over this morning, guy behind me, the chick next to me. The chick on the platform. Enough. Just enough with the triangulation.

Triangulation
That's what really annoys me, triangulation. People determined to be annoying to me. You ever walk behind someone on the sidewalk and they're walking real slow. So you decide to go around, and then for some reason they ALSO make a move in the direction you went. How do they know? I walked through Wrigleyville at 12am on a Saturday, talk about people who's sole goal is to be in your way. You can walk in the street and still have people be in your way, and there's no way around them. They were waiting in line for John Barleycorns like gold ingots were being given away. And since I, stupidly, was using the sidewalk, so I ended up waiting in line for Barleycorns. I tried to get in the street but got stuck in a group of people fawning over a new crotch rocket like it was the obelisk in 2001. And even when I got out of that debacle people just wander like extras in The Omega Man with not purpose and defninitely no attention for someone they're in the way of.