My Routine

Morning regimen:

Wake up at first alarm. 5:30. In theory this is the perfect time to wake up, after all in the perfect world that I live in when I set my alarm I need an hour to write (5:30 - 6:30) a half hour to jog (til 7), then shower, breakfast, reading up on the film industry/writing (7 to 8). So anyway, the point is, after I hit snooze and wake up at 7:50 I'm always a very disappointed.

Get my hair and face wet. Maybe some soap in there. Dress. Done by 8:00.

Put on ipod. Put on coat, which jerks the headphones out of my ears. Put ipod in coat to give headphones slack. Zip coat, get coat caught in headphones. Put on messenger bag, jerk the headphones out of my ears. Move headphones around the bag to give them some slack. Tighten my bag, jerk the headphones out of my ears (there's a lot of random clips and buckles on my bag) Leave, it's sunny out, need to find my sunglasses. Pull bag around, jerk the headphones out of my ears (random clasp again). Put bag back on, jerk the headphones out of my ears. Get on the El, take bag off, jerk the headphones out of my ears. Arrive at Lake, put my bag back on, jerk the headphones out of my ears. Get to work, jerk the headphones out of my ears.

Call people who hate me for 8 hours.

People that annoy me on the El

The "Che-lo" guy
Ever sit next to this guy on the El? "Hello? Hello? Hello?" over and over "Hello? Hello? Hello?", and then a few words in Russian and then "Hello? Hello? Hello?" But it's more like Che-lo? Che-lo? Che-lo? Because of the accent. You hear cab drivers do this. "Che-lo? Che-lo? Che-lo?" Like they give bad phones to Russians.

The Centerline Hog
You're on the outside, you don't get as much seat, you have no right to try and fit both cheeks on the seat, that's for the first guy. I got on at Bryn Mawr, you got on at Addison, I live in a shitty neighborhood, you take the outside seat. ONE CHEEK, don't try and take more, quit shoving me into the corner. And put a Cheeto guard on that mouth.

Speaking of things that smell like puke
I washed dishes this morning and that smell that the very bottom dishes get when all the junk on them and the water you put in is get trapped and hermetically sealed below the rest of the pile. When you crack that seal, that smell. Stuck in my nose. I've been smelling it for a half hour. A little mini version of hell.

My favorite vision of Hell
Angie (used to be Ognisanti, but I'm blanking on the new name, we don't talk much) always had my favorite vision of hell: listening to George Thoroughgood And The Destroyers 24 hours a day for eternity.

The Sigh Guy
The boredom of the guy next to me makes me want to smack him. He just keeps sighing and pullout a new magazine or section of the paper that he's done with, then reads an ad and sighs. And sighs and sighs. It's really starting to piss me off. It's not my fault you don't have proper reading material!

Being made a germ freak
I'm no germ freak, I think everyone shows their age when they germ freaky, they're older, they have the time and the lack of real problems, I think it gives them something to do. I notice germ freaks get sick more often than I do. But I have gotten sneezed the fuck all over this morning, guy behind me, the chick next to me. The chick on the platform. Enough. Just enough with the triangulation.

Triangulation
That's what really annoys me, triangulation. People determined to be annoying to me. You ever walk behind someone on the sidewalk and they're walking real slow. So you decide to go around, and then for some reason they ALSO make a move in the direction you went. How do they know? I walked through Wrigleyville at 12am on a Saturday, talk about people who's sole goal is to be in your way. You can walk in the street and still have people be in your way, and there's no way around them. They were waiting in line for John Barleycorns like gold ingots were being given away. And since I, stupidly, was using the sidewalk, so I ended up waiting in line for Barleycorns. I tried to get in the street but got stuck in a group of people fawning over a new crotch rocket like it was the obelisk in 2001. And even when I got out of that debacle people just wander like extras in The Omega Man with not purpose and defninitely no attention for someone they're in the way of.