I go to Ohio, visit the home of The Chief, get Teabagged, gaze at my cousins non-existent backyard and spend time with the cutest girl on Earth

My cousin, Joe, is moving to Japan to work for Honda for a year so I quickly mobilized a rental car to visit him for the weekend. Problem is, Zanesfield, OH is not particularly near any major throroughfares.



So you have the option to go 80/90 along the north of Indiana and Ohio, then straight down on 75 from Toledo to Zanesfield, which is not the hypoteneuse this geometry student was looking for. So I took the shortest distance between two points, highway 30 straight there. Only Pythatgoras never factored in a STOP LIGHT EVERY 5 MILES!!! Holy shit, it took forever. Get the car up to 75, slow down to 45, and stop. Two observations: Every town between here and Zanesfield should be renamed RubyApplebeeTuesdays because those two landmarks are in every town, and Fort Wayne has a strip club for every 3 citizens.

Spent some quality time with my cousin and his kids, Rachel and Josh, who are the greatest kids ever! I challenge any cynic who hates kids and would never have kids to spent .10 seconds with little Rachel and not change his views. Also, DAMN am I good with kids. The best moment was when I woke up way early Monday to drive back, the whole house was quiet but little Rachel obviously heard me and I had a Santa Claus moment, the little inquisitive girl coming down and interrupting the man in the living room trying to be quiet and asking 100 questions of him: why do you have to leave? Where are you going? Why? What's that? Are you coming back for my Kim Possible birthday party? Rachel is having a Kim Possible birthday party and must mention it every five minutes.

My cousin and I are rather immature, we stopped during a drive to get some Planters Hot Nuts and proceeded to do every combination of entendre's on the damn things: Would you like some hot nuts in your mouth, you got some hot nut on your chin. suck on these hot nuts, etc. But you often forget the repetition of youngsters of frequently said phrases. Bottom line, Rachel, who wasn't allowed to eat any, made the correct statement that only boys have hot nuts.