Stay Out of Malibu Lebowski!"

There's so much damn nature in L.A. and it's so unique for me. Mountains? What the fuck are those? Huge sprawling beaches that go for miles? Climbable rock formations? Canyons? Valleys? We drove through numerous Canyons to get to Malibu, which is all coastline, but there was a couple cool little towns in the Malibu Valley that were completely surrounded by mountains, I mean on all sides. We stopped for pizza in one of them and there's your standard strip-mall with your standard fat suburban woman in sweats, except she's living a mile from Malibu.

We drive down into Paradise Cove, home of Mel Gibson in Lethal Weapon and Jim Rockford. We grabbed a beer at this restaurant, your standard restaurant filled with non-spectacular people, I've seen more wealth at Wishbone on a Saturday morning. And then on their back porch it's a Corona commercial, 50 deck chairs in sand looking out into the ocean. To the right, about a mile down the beach you can see the land jut out to a thin 150 ft. precipice with a house on it. Johnny Carson's old house. When I was a kid I remember hearing about the poker parties Carson would throw every Saturday night with Chevy Chase and Steve Martin in attendance and want to be there so bad.. Wow. That took place right there.

All of this is far less interesting without pictures, but I'll have them soon.

Then we drove back up into the valley and around all those scenic two lane roads you see in all the movies, the ones built into the sides of mountains when I might've just been easier to go around.

We drove past Bob Dylan's place. It's a pretty nice house with 20 acres of rusted out cars, buses and dirt surrounding it.

Then we drove down into Point Dume, where they shot the ending to Planet of The Apes, the part where Charlton Heston finds the Statue of Liberty. I of course indulged to be the 10 Billionth person since 1969 to drop my knees and yell "Damn you! Damn you all to helllllll!" People stared, nobody thought it was clever or funny, but that's where they're wrong, because it wasn't about them.

You can climb over rock formations into little private beaches. Right under Mount Dume there's a thirty foot climb over some volcanic rock. and when you're at the top of that it's just you and Ocean, next stop, Japan. Pretty breathtaking stuff.

Total attractive girls seen in Malibu: 0. Yes it was a cold day, not a lot of people out. But I think the rumors of L.A. being packed with gorgeous and off-the-scale women is overblown. So far no rumor has been true, except the weather and the traffic. An L.A.-sian told me that it was because I'm in the wrong area, the attractive women all live in certain neighborhoods. Well that's EVERYWHERE! The Edgwater women aren't as attractive as the Lincoln Park/Wrigleyville/Bucktown/Wicker Park/Downtown/Evanston/Park Ri...everywhere but Edgewater. So why isn't the legend that Chicago women are unnaproachably beautiful? I swear I'd see more gorgeous women in a day in Chicago than I have in a month here. Very dissappointing.

On the way back there was a part of Malibu where clearly all the mult-millionaires lived, during a half-a-mile stretch of road, unique $30million houses were stacked three deep on the whole side of this hill. Amazing.

Then we stopped at Froggy's in Topanga Canyon, a little bar built out of a curve in the winding Canyon roads, great place, which was filled with average and ugly people.