It's not a movie, it's an experience

I can't tell you about Hostel . If you've thought of going to see it, don't read what it's about, just go. It's not a movie, it's an experience. One of those Last House On The Left, original Chainsaw Massacre type get-me-THE-FUCK-out-of-this theatre experiences. You can't leave, you're stuck in the movie.



Hostel is made by Eli Roth, who made Cabin Fever. I liked Cabin Fever, but wasn't sure what to make of it. It was funny in an odd way. There's that moment in the beginning when the kids are all hanging out and the chick asks if the Jock has cigarettes, and the jock says "no" and then shows his friends that he DOES have cigarettes and snickers because he has cigarettes. I was like, that is the lamest joke, and then started laughing really hard because, yes, that's a lame joke, but it's awesome that the character thinks that's funny. It's like the soap in the coffee joke in SuperTroopers. IT is not a joke, the character is the joke.

And then there's:
-Why do you want to kill squirrels? Because they're gay.
-Those are for the niggers.
and
-Pancakes! PANCAKES!!

After the off-putting comedy, Cabin Fever slides into a horror film, which is just as askew as the comedy. I wasn't sure whether to trust it or like it though, after all, kids stuck in a cabin, yeah, I saw Evil Dead as well, it was good, sure, rip that off, why not? But that attitude changed with the SPOT ON ripoff of the Yard-swing-Butt-shot from the original Chainsaw Massacre.

Anybody remember this? It's one of the best shots ever. The guy and the girl first go to the farmhouse, she sits on the yard swing, he goes inside, quiet, he looks around, hears some squealing, walks to the back... And then Leatherface appears, smacks him on the head with a mallet, the guy starts convulsing as Leatherface drags the guy into the back room and slams the metal door shut. Boommmmmmm. And then quiet. We're now outside with the girl. As she gets up to to go inside the camera dollies under the yard swing inches from the ground. Sky blue, grass green, her tall in the frame, the farmhouse looming in the background, it's so well shot it looks 3D on todays hidef tv's.

Point is, Eli Roth, I got it, this wasn't rip-off, this is homage. You don't rip-off the yard-swing-butt-shot unless you love the yard-swing-butt-shot. I doubt Uwe Boll rips it off in Bloodrayne.

After his THREE commentary tracks, I knew I was an Eli Roth fan. I put his commentary up with my favorites, top three.
#1: Robert Rodriguez, Spy Kids 2 (yes, if you're a filmmaker, rent it, you don't even need to watch the movie, just listen to the commentary, he doesn't even talk about the movie anyway)
#2: Quentin Tarantino, True Romance
#3: Eli Roth, Cabin Fever

This is all to say I inherently trusted Eli, and didn't read a word about Hostel. And it's best that way, not knowing what's coming puts you with these kids as they act like kids on summer break in Amsterdam, doing drugs, meeting hot chicks, and then shit goes wrong. Real wrong. If you like good horror, or a good urban legend, or giallo, or like having an unsettling filmic experience (not a movie), go see Hostel.

I was just haunted by the movie afterwards. It really shuts you up. You walk out of the theatre with your friend and you're both just silent. I find that such a compliment, a movie that can shut you up.

The movie tested with audiences, it scored the lowest score in Lion's Gate history. Only 20% would recommend the movie to a friend. Then Eli made them ask a follow up. How many would recommend it to a horror fan. 100%.

This reminds me of David Fincher's story of the test screening for Se7en, and the inherent flaw in screening stats. Actually let me back up further than that.

David Fincher gets a screenplay called Se7en. He reads it. Flips. Calls the producer and says "Holy shit, I was riveted, amazing, who do I have to blow just to PA on this movie, I loved it, head in the box..." the producer stopped him. "Whoa, you got the wrong draft, we took the head in the box out." It turns out that there had been a series of drafts while Denzel was set to play the lead in which the movies final sequence was an action sequence with Denzel trying to get to the girl before the killer does, and at the last minute, saves her and kills the killer. Fincher told them to fuck off and put the head in the box back in. The Producer said "as long as I'm President of this company, there will be no head in no box."

David said "I envision a day twenty years from now when nobody remembers you or I, and they're sitting around in their dorm and they start talking about this movie they saw once, an in trying to describe it they say 'you know it's the movie with the head in the box.' and all the kids remember the head in the box movie. YOU CAN'T THE HEAD IN THE BOX OUT OF THE HEAD IN THE BOX MOVIE!"

A year later.

Nobody liked the ending of Se7en, you know, the ending you love, one of the most classic endings you've ever seen? The ending that's the first thing that comes to mind when you think of Se7en? The Head In The Box Movie. David Fincher said, who the fuck would say they like the ending? Doesn't liking the ending mean you're pro-killing Gwyneth Paltrow? Is it the right ending? Yes. But you shouldn't like it.

#4: David Fincher, Se7en.