Crop it!: It's Short Haired Chick Friday!

Selma Blair is so gorgeous how could I possibly be satisfied with one go-round. I found a whole slew of new pictures and talking about her brings something far from pain so here we go.

I've been told for years that liking this picture:



Means I'm gay, because she's a boy. The boyish looks works like a motherfucker for a lot of women, go drool over your Judith Light, I'll take dude above.

Kate doesn't like Selma, thinks she's an anorexic. Probably, definitely here:



but not here:



Selma was in that show Zoe, Duncan, Jack and Jane. I never saw it because it was on tv between 1991 and last November, I think she was Zoe, no Jane, wait, Zoe...Jane?



Zoe?

I got to hang out with the other star of the show, Azura Skye (Jane?), on the set of the last movie I worked on. One night I got to hang out with her and Leelee Sobieski and they were talking about, oh what was it? Oh yeah, themselves, and Azura told me she was friends with Selma Blair.



Holy shit, that's a HELL of a picture. I may not live through the end of this SHCF.

Azura told me that she had just come from Selma's wedding, "Dammit!" I shouted, "I was supposed to marry her!" Azura stared blankly...and I proceeded to have to explain what was barely a joke. "you see because...I don't even know her...so...uhh, kind of an exaggeration joke..."



Whoa! Somebody just got fucked.

Same girl?

Anyone see Happiness? How crazy is the scene where liberal Selma Blair, frightened at the idea of being a racist, gets fucked by that black professor who demands that she say "Fuck me Nigger."? Oh Todd Solondz, if only YOU knew what statement you were making.

I amost titled this post: "Fuck Me Nigger!: It's Short Haired Chick Friday!"

That would've been funny, but I'm very liberal and scared of being called a racist. I'm so scared of being called a racist that I fear blacks and refuse to live near them.

And finally... Jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee



sus Christ.

boom.

You Are A Genius

Last night I watched American Idol for the first time in my life. I was kind of proud that I was able to avoid it for this long. I wasn't deliberately trying and it oddly wasn't hard, considering the popularity you'd think it would be impossible. Watching it was this weird insight into another world, very strange, uneventful. But one thing struck me. It's Star Search. I know, we all know that. But think about this. Between the British version, the American version, ad sales, syndication, DVD's, web ads, and CD sales, that property has generated untold Billions. Inconceiveable amounts of money. And who makes it? Simon Cowell. He didn't need to produce it, he hasn't needed to step foot on the set or EVEN TALK TO ANYONE INVOLVED with the show after the day he sold the idea to make a shitload of cash off every single episode. All he had to do was get the idea bought once a long time ago and do nothing else.

Paul Haggis, writer for Love Boat and Diff'rent Strokes (about kids so poor they could only afford an apostrophe instead of another "e") got a call one night from a friend. "We're fucked, we've got this pilot for this show called Walker, Texas Ranger, we shoot next week and the pilot is awful, can you help?" Paul spent exactly one week of his life helping the friend out and never wrote another word. He earned a "created by" credit and collected a check for every episode that aired, another check everytime it aired in syndication. One night he woke up in a cold sweat because he had seen his tombstone in a dream: it said "Here lies Paul Haggis, creator of Walker, Texas Ranger. He didn't go back to sleep, he wrote the treatment for Crash that night. His grave will say something diff'rent now.

Google.com, maybe the biggest success story in internet history, their idea? A search engine.
Youtube.com was bought for $30million, their idea? Putting video on a website.
Flickr.com was bought for $40million, their idea? Putting pictures on a website.
Myspace.com was bought for $60million, their idea? Friendster's idea.

Tell me, if you came up with any one of those three ideas, would you not immediatly discard it? Search engine? There's Yahoo, they were the first ones with that idea and the only ones that will ever have it, what a stupid idea I had to create another one. Putting pictures on the web? Can't people already do that? What a stupid idea. Putting movies on the web, well I know everyone already does that, I've seen trailers. Stupid me. Here you and I sit, a sum total of the nuber of times we failed to recognize how much of a genius we both are and Simon Cowell is taking in checks for 100's of thousands of dollars every week because he said a magic phrase: "Whatever happened to Star Search?" Not a big idea. One you or I would most certainly discard.

A big idea not acted upon, is no idea at all. We all have inside of us all the ideas we'll ever need, we're set in that department, but recognizing those ideas as genius, that seems to be the difference between you and me and Simon Cowell and the Google guys.

There is nothing different between those described above and you, they are not special, they do not contain special genetics. But when they get an idea they never say it can't be any good because it came from them. The next time you get an idea, don't move on, pay attention, write it down, run with it, build up your reservoir of self-belief. Go create.

Tomorrow the short haired chicks will flow like wine, and I will be writing Todd Voorhies blog "Let's Go Bronco's" all day tomorrow in liveblog format as he jumps through hoops all day to arrange his gang for a Friday night throwdown, now go create.

I agree to the terms of use of ConservativeMatch.com

So I was filling out a fake address for my fake sign up for Conservativematch.com so I can meet some conservatives and fuck them, and for my address I decided to look up the address of the Chateau Hotel on Broadway (3838 N. Broadway for anybody who needs a fake address). For those of you who don't know The Chateau Hotel is the nastiest place on Earth. A real bullet-proof glass rent by the hour crackhaus. So I looked it up to get the address and can you believe it's actually listed on some hotel websites??? And it's been reviewed!! Hilarious...I mean sad...oh so often the same thing. I guess if you're not from Chicago and you went to some Hotel website and you didn't know that the Chateau Hotel was hooker villa and just judged it on it's name you might accidentally select it. I would feel really bad for anyone that happened to. Good God. Go read the review, it's sadlarious. And you know that many more have accidentally ended up there because of this phrase: "Hey, here's one close to Wrigley Field." It's ranked at #117 on the site. So I decided to look up some of my other favorite hotels. You'll be happy to know that The Abbott Hotel is ranked at #94,so if you have to choose...

Please sign this waver:

I agree that I am using this service for the purpose of meeting other conservative singles to date, create friendships, or communicate with. In good faith I consider myself a conservative and typically represent myself as such when expressing my ideological views. I understand the term "conservative" in the context of this service to mean "someone who embraces values typically associated with political parties or ideologies such as Republicans, Libertarians, Constitutionalists, 'Reagan Democrats' or similar parties from other countries."

Holy Shit I Met Dan Aykroyd Last Night!

So of course, now having blogged for one year everything passes through the blog screen first. I woke up late...is that bloggable? No. Okay, do I have enough time for breakfast? Is that bloggable? That topic sounds more Open Run than Otisburg...

But of course meeting Dan Aykroyd is bloggable. Okay, now what should I say? Of course how I ended up meeting him...what we said...oh, a title. I've got to have a clever title. "Dan Aykroyd Says Hi": Sort of a sequel to my last "meeting a famous guy" blog on David Cross, hmmm, maybe a line from our conversation, or maybe "You never know who you'll run into...": If I were Garrison Keillor and I met Dan Aykroyd I'd call it that.

So I sit down to tell you all of my evening and what subconsciously flowed from mind to page? What came of my mind and was typed before I even tried to remember my titles? Holy Shit I Met Dan Aykroyd Tonight! Well that about sums the experience up.

Dan Aykroyd's one of the reasons I'm even writing about leaving Second City, where I teach, to write on my blog on a website for the comedy group I created 8 years ago after a Second City class!!!!!!!!!! We all watched SNL, we all asked how did they get there, we all found out what they had in common and we all headed for Chicago. I've always marveled at Dan Aykroyd's characters, my flickr account is named Pinth Garnell after Leonard Pinth-Garnell of "Bad Ballet" and "Bad Conceptual Art." And every character I played when I did my first sketch shows in Chicago were largely based on E. Buzz Miller.

So I run into Sean Cusick who starts the rumor mill, "Aykroyd's doing the set." Even if it never turned out to be true, that's one thing I love about the comedy community in Chicago, little rumors like that. I was a full four miles away from Second City when Mel Gibson did the improv set in 1998, but I still found out moments later. Love that, there's nothing quite like the comedy community gossip chain.

Well I stop by the set after my class anyway, so no sweat off my back, and sure enough, there's Austin Milbarge himself. Wow. I can quote every line he speaks in Spies Like Us and Ghostbusters, I saw Dragnet 15 times, and even saw The Couch Trip in theatres. Wow. I guess I never realized by Dan Aykroyd was high on my celebrities to meet list. It's so weird, he's so real. That's really Dan Aykroyd. Ray Stantz. Very cool.

There's some kid named Belushi in touring company now. Interesting.

So the set ends and I book out, and who books out right behind me? Dr. Detroit. I immediatley turn to shake his hand, "Dan, pleasure to meet you." "What're you riding?" E. Buzz Miller replies mistaking the subway bag in my right hand for a motorcycle helmet. "Oh, sorry, thought you had a helmet." "So what brings you by?" I ask, kind of wanting to hug him. "I'm on my way to Nevada, I got my own Amtrak car, some guys buy Lear Jets, I rent a train car." Irwin Mainway says it the most familiar voice imaginable, one I've heard for 25 years. Elwood exits the front of the The Second City seeing rain and takes a step back. I continue into the rain and turn back, "Thanks for bringing so many of us here" referring to The Second City. "It's a great place isn't it?" And that was it.

What the fuck do you say to famous people? I hate it. Certainly there's respectable behavior. I fawned the fuck all over Tim Kazurinsky when I met him at Second City, but I was 19. I never know how to act. I just act like they're anybody else except that I know who they are. But every one of them is so expecting you to pull out a gun.

Chuck Norris Facts

Courtesy of Larry Shure, one of the legendary Locust St. posse from Oxford, Oh (Fremodada and Roberto also wear those colors)



Chuck Norris Facts

* Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has
never cried. Ever.

* Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

* Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law
and Order are trademarked names for his left and right
legs.

* The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

* If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you
can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away
from death.

* Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.

* Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting
implies the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes
killing.

* Chuck Norris' blood type is AK+. Ass-Kicking
Positive. It is compatible only with heavy
construction equipment, tanks, and fighter jets.

* Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to
do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.

* In fine print on the last page of the Guinness
Book of World Records it notes that all world records
are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book
are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.

* There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There
is only another fist.

* If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always
says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds
'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

* Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck
Norris has 72...and they're all poisonous.

* Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only
three moves.

* There is no theory of evolution, just a list of
creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

* If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win.
Forever.

* Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once
and he will fuck you up.

* Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard
that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in
time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying
over the Pacific Ocean.

* Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the
world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.

* Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in
human skulls.

* When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank
forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched
and ready to attack.
Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.

* The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck
Norris' fist.

* Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's
famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices.
But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.

* CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris
Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass
kicking in real-time.

* Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one
hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with
his waitress.

* What was going through the minds of all of Chuck
Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.

* Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick
wall in a game of tennis.

* Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code
45-11.... a suicide.

* Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse
kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.

* Chuck Norris doesn't wash his clothes, he
disembowels them.

* A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that
this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in
fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris
and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

* Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.

Go See Baker & Huff

The pictures you see are vid-caps from the video I shot for the play Baker & Huff directed by Don Hall and produced by Fred Mowery and featuring other WNEP favorites Dave Lykins and Jim Yeater as 1950's Catskills Comedians.

The play takes place at the moment where television killed the radio star as Al Baker and Doc Huff struggle with their own mortality living the sad live of comedians on that cicuit.

This is a pure collaboration between WNEP vets and I really like the result, It seemed written from someone who might have went through it this era, which I can confirm Jim and Dave did not.

It's directed by Don Hall, who also seems to have traveles back in time to book that Catskills show with prescient clarity of the time. Best of all Don had this killer idea which I had the great pleasure of making a reality. Don wanted people to be immersed in the era before the show began by having a half hour of footage from a 1950's Catskill show.



They loved the video so much they all chipped in and got me an iTunes gift certificate which I promptly spent getting multi-passes to The Colbert Report and The Daily Show on iTunes. It's good to FINALLY see the Colbert Report.

And finally you must see the show tonight or tomorrow night because STEVE GLUCK! will be playing the part of Dexter. There are no small parts Steve. Flaunt it!



I'll be there tonight, see you there.

TOWN HALL PUB
3340 NORTH HALSTED CHICAGO, ILLINOIS
FRIDAYS AND SATURDAYS AT 8:00PM SHARP
MARCH 3RD THRU APRIL 8TH
TO MAKE A RESERVATION CALL
773-345-0726
TICKETS ARE $10 (Cash Only)

p.s. Steve will be officially onboard as a guest blogger for Otisburg this coming Tuesday. Look for it!

Go fuck yourself: It's Short-Haired Chick Friday!

Holy shit. I forgot about this one.



Fairuza Balk. Absolutely one of the hottest chicks ever, with just the worst name imaginable.



I've never been able to watch "The Craft." I tried once. The second I saw Fairuza and Neve Cambell (bestill my heart) on the box cover I was kind of sold. Kind of REALLY sold. But they are so beautfiul that I had to turn the movie off. It is literally painful to watch The Craft. That's the first place I saw Fairuza. Jeezus.



I love the dark eye makeup, the messed up hair, and that dark goth attitude. She's got everything that intrigues me. She's also got everything that makes a late-nigh at her place listening to her poetry wondering if I'm going to get any kind of dull. But my favorite kind of dull.



While doing as little research as possible on her (what am I going to find out? That I want to fuck her?) I found out that "Fairuza" means "Turquoise" in Farsi.



If you found out that "Pussiphart" meant "Gorgeous Flower" in Afrikaans, would you change your name to it? What happened to the simple names of olden times, like Leaf, River, Moon-Unit, and Dweezil?



One thing I also learned from IMDB is that the dark eye makeup Goth thing is not a bit, she owned a Wiccan shop called Panpipes Magickal in Hollywood. That's kind of annoying.



Here's something else I learned, she dated David Thewlis - Knox Harrington, the video artist. David Thewlis looks like he has bad breath.



She also owns five cats. I'm a cat guy, so I would have a good time hanging out at her place at the end of the night wondering if I was going to get any.

And these last two pictures are proof of God. God could I have the two hottest pictures of Fairuza Balk, pleeeeeese?

God: "Fairuza? That's a dumb fucking name."





Boom! God said let there be short-haired, misunderstood, topless Wiccan chicks, and it was done, and God said that is good, then set fire to the Wiccan shop for the insurance money.

Monty Python's Life of Neo-Conservatives

This is why political comedy is dead. Who can be funnier than this.

I *heart* Russ Feingold

And any Democrat with the balls to stand up and call these mobsters out. If you didn't see him on the Daily Show, here it is.. It's so weird to cheerlead someone that comes out and says "the sky is blue." It's also see weird how many still rush to the "sky is purple" argument, or how many refuse to state what color it is until all the evidence is in. Their constituents must be so happy. Republican popularity is a myth, they just talk louder.

If you would like to write a letter to Russ, please do, I have. russ_feingold@feingold.senate.gov

The bold Dem's should know that there's a new silent majority in this country, know that someone's got their backs, the rest should be fired and replaced with Paul Hackett clones. I can't believe how timid most Democrats are. The great thing is that not only is Russ calling the Republicans out, he's also calling the other unsupportive Dems out. AND he's staying on the offensive, he's said in many weeks since his proposal of a Censure resolution that if the Republicans think this is so bad to state why, and continually asks them to make their case, which is the best argument possible, because they can't make their case. The don't have one, and their desperation is showing.

Also write a letter to Keith Olbermann and tell him he's the new Edward R. Murrow. He's really ripping some assholes wide open, watch him rip Laura Inghram a fourth hole.

And visit www.crooksandliars.comevery day.

Meet the citizens of Otisburg

Citizens of Otisburg, please extend a big Otisburg welcome to Christopher Stipp from www.moviepoopshoot.com. Christopher writes the very fun section of the poop shoot called Trailer Park, where he reviews trailers of movies. No, not the movies, the trailers. Fun stuff.



YOU ARE THE ONE'S WHO ARE THE BALL LICKERS!



Yes, movie poop shoot. For those of you who don't know how cool that is, movie poop shoot was made up by Kevin Smith for Jay And Silent Bob Strike Back a movie written just for me, which was very generous of Kevin. If you remember it was Poopshoot that set the whole plot in motion causing Jay and his hetero lifemate to head to L.A. to stop the film.



WE"RE GONNA FUCK YOUR MOTHERS WHILE YOU WATCH AND CRY LIKE LITTLE BITCHES

Chris is from Chicago, misses it dearly and upon noticing that I was a Kevin Smith fan extended a hello to let me know he was a Citizen of Otisburg. So check out his reviews and tell him how wrong he is about the Miami Vice trailer. I seriously don't know if I can handle a post-Heat post-Collateral Michael Mann revisiting the Vice. It's really just going to be amazing. Like, Superman Returns amazing, and if you comment be sure to say where you live in Chicago to rub it in. heheheh

ONCE WE GET TO HOLLYWOOD AND FIND THOSE MIRAMAX FUCKS WHO ARE MAKING THAT MOVIE, WE'RE GONNA MAKE 'EM EAT OUR SHIT, THEN SHIT OUT OUR SHIT, THEN EAT THEIR SHIT WHICH IS MADE UP OF OUR SHIT THAT WE MADE 'EM EAT. signed, Jay & Silent Bob

Over the years I've had many boring jobs and the only thing that kept Mr. Gun from Mr. Temple was visiting News Askew and View Askew every day. So it's a great joy to associated with yet another Kevin Smith news site.

Christopher Stipp is also an accomplished author on molecular biology and the publisher of such articles as ransmembrane-4-superfamily proteins CD151 and CD81 associate with a3b1 integrin, and selectively contribute to alpha 3 beta 1-dependent neurite outgrowth, and ransmembrane-4-superfamily proteins CD151 and CD81 associate with a3b1 integrin, and selectively contribute to alpha 3 beta 1-dependent neurite outgrowth

At least that's what Google said.

Yes Virginia...

Monkeys can wash cats.

I think we found a new format

Saturday night at Arlington Heights was a tremendous success, even though some of the audience had clearly stumbled into the wrong show. "Any theatre that would play Brighton Beach Memoirs" would certainly have a family friendly Saturday night show. But the second time Joel belted out "Have you guys seen this video about this guy who gets fucked by a horse?" as a fake audience member, during a fake Q&A, they weren't in Brighton Beach Kansas anymore. Only two people walked out, but the rest, as good a sports as they were, were a little unsettled during the raunchier parts. Over 100 audience members just "putting up with it" translates into a weird vibe by the time it gets to stage. She show is sweet as Zoe Dunkle finally finds a group of friends, and DJ and Paula decide to reconcile their relationship and their record collection. We even got an "awwwwwww." And then, to reward them we changed to topic to Horse fucking. Sorry guys.

I'm sure it's been written in the other blogs, but Joel took the show with his "guy in the crowd" routine. I'll switch this little bit of Joel praise around to say that our FORMAT stole the show. Our format was very loose, allowing us to make up freewheeling bits, like Joel Audience Member, at the last minute and throw them into the show, very Cafe Ashie (see footnote), except all grown up. The new format: all of us stay on stage, that way if I find what Justin said funny, I can be seen laughing. We have thrown theatricality in the pukey smelling dumpster behind the Heartland Studio Theatre with 600 pound prop bags. We had no props. We had a table that had one piece of costuming per character, hats mostly, and a pair of Sam Seder glasses for my teacher character. Stephe is on stage with us, at a desk with a computer and mixing board, fulfilling his lifelong goal of being a DJ, or at least looking like one. Since we were doing a live version of a radio episode it was the most sound effects, music, and production heavy show we've ever done. It literally was Episode 53: We Didn't Start The Fire onstage in front of four mics.

This is a show that combines how tight we want our material presented (Fire is one of the tightest scripts in our arsenal) with how loose we want our stage presence to be. It's very inviting to the audience. It's friendly. No more blackouts. No more running around backstage slamming into Sandy while trying to find all 12 pieces of my Brent Wickerman ensemble. Nope. Now I would just put on a visor and the rest is character in front of the mic.

And I really feel like were are on the precipice of inventing something. The Rock and Roll literary show. "Schadenfreude's Rent Party: The Rock and Roll Literary Show" - that has a nice ring.

I never thought I'd say this, but I could go for an open run? I just heard Justin's heart explode, no, his real heart, we don't do the fake heart anymore either. (see footnote 2)

(footnote)
Cafe Ashie was the very first place that Schadenfreude ever played, we came up with a brand new sketch show every week, we wrote them on Wednesdays and brought a paragraph describing the sketch to a bar that smelled like Archie Bunkers lung called Cafe Ashie (now called The Starlite in Andersonville). We would then improvise off the paragraphs. The group then featured Gillian Vigman (Sons & Daughters) and Ike Barinholtz (MadTV) but I'm thinking of starting a lie that Tina Fey, Rachel Dratch, Horatio Sanz, Seth Meyers, and Josh Meyers were in the group too.

(footnote 2)
We ended every show from 1998 - 2003 with Justin going ballistic, ripping out Sandy's heart, and biting into it, covering him with fake blood. What made this so funny was that Justin was in his 20's. So we don't do it anymore.

New Superman pic!

Cool, check this out.



reminds me a little of this.

23 Minutes

The amount of time it takes to subscribe every computer in the Mac store to The Weekly Bit podcast. Nudge nudge.

It's over...: Austin Final Wrapup

Your balls sufficiently tickled, here's the wrapup to my great time in Austin. Bottom line, I'm moving there, or at least never missing SXSW ever again.

For years I've watched other people's films at film festivals. I've watched them get reactions from a crowd. I've watched them get up at the end and host a Q&A about how they made the film. And I wished it was me.

Still do. But I'm so much closer. For 5 days I got to walk around one of the greatest cities on Earth and show everyone a HUGE film that everyone knew about and say "I'm a producer." People were so impressed with the film and I like to think that Charley and I's efforts added a couple hundred to the event.

I'm a pretty friendly and outgoing guy. So when you plop me into the middle of a high concentration of people with exactly the same interest that I do, without even trying or thinking about it I'm networking: also known as just talking to people. I found some astoundingly unpretentious real people. Godbless Austin.

First we had a party for our investors, crew, and stars at Six Lounge, which is Lance Armstrong's bar. Very nice place with a rooftop overlooking Austin, which reminded me of all the pictures I see of Cannes every year with everyone on a rooftop.
This was a great event, the crew was so happy to be back together, filmcrews end up families (one of the great things about production) and this was a family reunion.

And then we went over to the theatre, Matt Dentler introduced Terry, the lights went down and there it was. The film I had seen on so many laptops in so many pieces, now all together three stories tall, five stories wide and loud and intimate. It was amazing. The film really plays. There are so many moments that I was unaware of the impact of until I heard 1,200 people react. The most oft-noted are the funny moments. Hutton plays Liebowitz very quirky at times, those "prosecuting attorney playing a game with the witness" moments. And there's one scene where Tim almost acts like he's lost his mind, breaking away from a conversation on the case with a weird diatribe on the trees in Alabama, he just starts talking about them and walks out, leaving the other two attorneys staring at what just happened. The audiences also stares, but it's funny. Just one of those funny things Tim did that I have no idea where it came from.

It was amazing to see it so huge on the screen. It was like watching this film that's, of course, amazingly familiar to me. I mean fuck, overly familiar, and yet I hadn't seen a cut of the film in a while and I have no idea what's going to happen next because I kind of forgot. So it was this weird blend of new and familiar. There are scenes I don't remember in any form. Tim Hutton is pretty addictive to watch. Hearing 1,200 people laugh is really amazing.

Credits: Applause...still going...still going... 1,058 people (4 more than Altman's film, hahaha - FUCK YOU!)

More Credits: Another round of applause

The Strata Logo: More applause

The list of investors: More applause

Crazy.

The people were so happy about the film, obsessively happy, people shouted thanks at Terry during the Q&A which featured Bill Sage, Azura Skye, Bill Smitrovich, B.J. Britt, Lew Temple, and Paul Sanchez, the cinematographer. And moments into the Q&A Tim Hutton called on Terry's cellphone and carried on the Q&A with a mic stuck to the earpiece.

Afterwards I got to see all my investors again, man did they love the film. All the delays, all the time it took to finish the film just did not matter. They loved it.

This is the life for me. I want no other. I want to make independent films for the rest of my life and hand out flyers and bite my nails and wonder if they're going to laugh and get my dick grabbed by a visitor's daughter...oh, did I mention I got my dick grabbed by some patron's daughter? Yeah. Indieville. Population me.

I'm making a feature. No reason to wait. Gotta get back to the festivals.

Oh, one last thing, you want to know what tacky is? One of the actor's agents was so tan, so bald, so encrusted with diamonds and gold that his name ought to be Cliche Pasadena. The most agenty person you could possibly imagine. He stood up during the Q&A and asked a question as a "stranger" who just happened to be at the screening. I forget the question but it was a super pimping one along the lines of "why are you so great?" "Is it difficult to be so great?" Great, Pasadena, I'm sure you really scared up some work for your client from THE CITIZENS OF AUSTIN!!!

I know Heist is a weird movie to spank it to, buuuuut...: It's Short-Haired Chick Friday

I like girls with short hair. So it should come as no surprise that the record scratched when I saw David Mamet's Heist.



I love David Mamet. Wait I think that's a little like saying "I never miss the Oscars." You breathe? I breathe too! But what I didn't know is that I loved his wife.



Yes, David Mamet chose well. Very well. Rebecca is the daughter of an MIT professor (brains) who grew up in Scotland (culture, accent), and started a Singing career (talent).



She's a completely different kind of hot there. A long-haired hot. Though with the Clannad/Enya thing going on in her voice she could easily keep the hair short and still get an in-store at The Nature Store.



So, there you have it, beautiful, talented, and the recipient of the dick that wrote Glengarry Glen-Ross. I wonder if she has to speak in terse dialogue around the house, or in the bedroom.



Given my fetish for Short-haired chicks I have been called gay over the years, but would you call MR. MAMET GAY??? Case in point: David Mamet's previous wife, Lindsay Crouse



Notice anything? Exactly! Lindsay was also an actress/singer so David basically traded in the old Pontiac, which I would do for Rebecca Pidgeon too, because I'm not gay, but I love the arts.

loudQUIETloud: Austin Part 7

Thank you for being a part of this 8 part exploration of why we all love Brian Austin Green.

Note: The premiere was actually 48 hours ago, I wrote "24 hours until" in the last post because I'm behind on posting, not because there's a second screening. I took copious notes at the time, but it's taken time to format them, plus it adds a little Green Mile serialization to the whole thing..."what will happen?!" you might ask and drive my blog numbers high enough to start negotiating REAL blogad numbers. So as you read the following post I will be pretending it's the morning after the screening and even pretending I'm on the plane. But I'm not. I'm on the El. I am a liar.

But first, I forgot to talk about loudQUIETloud: A Movie About The Pixies movie starring CHARLEY'S DAD!!



Well, okay, he didn't "star" in it, but, you know he was IN it, were you in it? Allright, end of argument. Charley's Dad has been a producer in the music industry for years, he wrote "Funkytown" "And "Purple Rain." I am not kidding. I knew he worked on Frank Black's solo album because I knew I had seen the Pixies in the fall of 2004 and that that was hard to do without a little help. Thank you David. There's three bands I give a shit about seeing They Might Be Giants, Def Leppard and The Pixies. The first two I've seen numerous times and the latter I was always sad because I thought I'd never see.



And if you've never seen Def Leppard, run, do not walk. And take Tommy Pritchard with you, it makes the whole thing much more fun. (By the way: Tommy called from Iraq, he's no longer in harms way in Iraq, he's been transferred to radio operation at communication headquarters. Don't know about you but I'm breathing a sigh of relief.)

So during the Pixies re-union, the filmmakers of Devil's Playground accompanied them and shot 800 hours of footage (and over 100 hours of that was Kim Deihl taking a shit). Very interesting documentary, like all documents half the point is that you're THERE with these people; but unlike the best of documentaries, they never find a plot. Of course sometimes in documentaries a plot never happens, just life but events are nonetheless worth documenting.

And knowing that Charley's Dad had worked with Frank I held out hope that, you know, maaaaaaybe he'd end up in it. But why? Why would they feature the producer of Frank's Solo album in any way? BUT THEY DID! So exciting.

And then the follwing day...we premiered the film.

24 hours to the premiere of Heaven's Fall...still.

Next: Austin Part 8: A Mouse on The Mile

David Cross Says Hi: Austin Update Part 6

24 hours until the premiere of Heaven's Fall

Just saw Gretchen by local filmmaker Steve Perry is best described as Napoleon Dynamite with a chick. Pretty funny, but kind of pretty standard funny. Yes, we all get it, tuxedo t-shirts are funny.

After Gretchen I went to a screening of Fired! by Annabelle Gurwitch (Melvin Goes To Dinner) and had my book signed by Annabelle and David Cross afterwards.



I gave David a copy of Schadenfreude Hotel & Casino, which he is featured in, but doesn't remember, he tried to remember, but I kept telling that he didn't. He was very gracious that we had made it and asked him to be in it and that I got him a copy. David is a very very nice guy. I look forward to hanging out with him on the set of Alderman.

The whole Film Crew showed up today, including my favorite people, Lighting Director (and producer of This Old Cub) Hollywood Heard and his Best Boy Anamal. I've worked on movie crews since 1994 and you can take the stars, I'll be drinking it up with the Grip and Electric, a far far better class. Real guys with real stories. I even did a short on the set of Heaven's Fall where I followed them around for one whole day.

We went to the party for Ovie, the producers of Darkon.



They just continue to impress. A young company with years of experience under their roof, and great people besides. I expect to see their name over and over in the coming years. The sort of random chance meeting with people that can only happen in the atmosphere of a film festival.