Oh For Christ's Sake!

That's right, I celebrate Oscar Week in style, by seeing Night Watch and Ultra-Violet

So what do these two films have in common besides the fact that I've watched them over the last week? Watch the trailers.

Ultra Violet

Night Watch

They look GREAT don't they!!!!!! That's what they have in common, they both look great, and they both suck.

Goddamn it, did Ultra Violet have promise or what? How bad do you have to be to fuck this up? How can Kurt Wimmer be just so...so...close to making something worth remarking of it's quality. I love Equilibrium, but, you know, at the end of the day it's was off. This is WAAAAAY off. Should relationship scenes feel so obligatory? Fight Fight Fight, awesome stunt, and then hit the breaks..."you know I'm so sad because I lost my child?" What? Because if we didn't get deeper into Ultra Violet we'd be going "Oh my God who is this awesome person? I must know more about her soul."



Fuck you movie. You're not allowed to have that much promise and then blow it. Blow me.

I walked out. Because the print broke. I didn't go back in and you know the ending's where all the good stuff is? I'll sneak into the end if a MOVIE WORTH SEEING WOULD COME OUT FOR CHRISTS!

And you know what, oh God I want to punch this movie. It's ALSO about Vampires. Go fuck yourself with a wooden stake.

I'm calling a truce. The last three movies I've seen. Fucking Vampire Movies. Underworld Evolution was the biggest piece of shit I've ever seen...next to this and maybe Night Watch, which gets the Special Olympics pass because it's a bunch of Russians trying to make an effects film. Yeah, so in Ultra Violet you get past the first MIND BOGGLING, AWESOME, BRILLIANT, AMAZING sequence and...they've Vampires. Oh God I just wanted to throw something. YOU HACK YOU FUCKING HACK! Who could not be self-conscious writing a Vampire movie in 2006, for christ's sake I remember being told to NEVER write a Vampire screenplay in 1988.

Blade, apologise for what you did. Yes, I know you were good, but Blade III sucked more thank Night Watch, and that was a bunch of Russians trying to make an Effects film.

Look how cool it should be

Pisses you off doesn't it. Knowing that that movie you're looking at sucks? Doesn't it?


Looks cool right? Fuck this film. And fuck Kurt Wimmer. And fuck Vampires. And fuck Milla, sorry I ever blogged about her. I'm deleting them.

Vampires. Give me a goddamn break.