Otisburg Welcomes Roommate Stephe

I've got a guest blogger! Movin' on up. To the top. Of a deluxe apartment. In Edgewater.

For 15 years I've been listening to Roommate Stephe's personal theories on culture. For the last year I've countering each exposition with the words "blog it." I guess it sunk in. Please give a warm welcome to my Wednesday guest blogger, Roommate Stephe.

Looking ahead to the summer movie season . . .

Everyone seems to be getting excited about the new 'Pirates of the
Carribbean' sequel. But I don't know . . .

I mean, yeah, I guess the first one was alright and all that, and I'm as
much a fan as Johnny Depp as anyone, but can't we just leave it alone? Are
we all really that interested to know of the FURTHER adventures Capt. Jack
Sparrow? Wasn't it all just a big burlesque in the first place?

Truth be told, I don't care much for sequels. Period. Oh, don't worry - this
isn't going to be one of those tired pieces about Hollywood's "lack of
originality" and the dreary recycling of everything in our culture, and how
this inevitably points to the Fall and Decay of Everything. Nah, I'll leave
that for someone else to write.

No, my problem with sequels is on a much more immediate level. And it lies
in being forced to see (or read about, if it's a book) yet ANOTHER amazing
adventure - or catastrophe - or bizarre circumstance . . . happening to the
same main character, or characters. Now, I know fictional characters are not
real people, but we're asked to invest in them as if they were, and so
there's something not right to me about having either all this misfortune -
or else all these amazing and fantastic adventures - happen YET AGAIN to
these very selfsame people. It just makes me feel bad. Like I want to yell
to the writers, "Enough already! These people have put enough of their life
on the line in the name of our entertainment! Leave them alone - let them
just live out the rest of their lives in peace!"

You know what I'm saying here? I mean come on, John McClane had it pretty
tough on Christmas Eve, trapped in that building with those armed terrorists
and being forced to put the situation right. You mean he's gotta face the
same situation a couple years later with an airplane? Isn't it momentous
enough that Harry Potter survived one dastardly attempt on his life - does
it have to happen every movie? (Seriously, I"ve gotta wonder if that
Hogwarts place is really the safest for him to be.) And how many genetically
reconstituted dinosaurs do Jeff Goldblum's and/or Sam Neil's characters have
to escape from the clutches of before they're able to unwind and just, you
know, get on with their scientific journal articles?

Of course, having written all this, I could just see me getting visited by
some random fictional character - maybe even Johnny's good ol' Captain Jack
himself - saying, in essence, "You don't understand, mate. We're the
fictional. You can't judge us by your rules. We only live WHEN we are given
problems, or catastrophes, or amazing adventures to have. You've got life
all the time. WE only get it in short gulps."

"And so," I ask, "you want to spend it doing exactly the same thing you did
in the first movie?"

"If that's what it will take, yeah."

"Sounds like a paltry existence."

"Who are you to judge."

And he's got me there.

Who knows? Maybe it's the characters we DON'T sequelize that are getting the
bum deal. That by freezing them in only one moment in time we somehow
condemn them to a kind of cinematic pergatory. Perhaps we should awaken
Richard Kimble from this dreadful state by having him framed for the
untimely murder of his brother. Life on the lam did wonders for him the
first time. What about Phil Connors? I'm sure we could find him another
obscure holiday - Arbor Day, perhaps - to live out over and over again, to
help him learn even more life lessons. And you can't tell me that little kid
from 'The sixth Sense' has lost his ability to see dead people, right?
There's got to be another solid story or three just by tracking his life,
and thereby giving him more to do.

Come on, Hollywood, let's get on it! These are MEMORABLE characters - they
deserve better than one measly go-round of the celluloid block. Until their
new stories are forthcoming, though, I guess 'Pirates of the Carribbean 2'
will have to fill the gap . . .

RS