Amazing Weekend

Ray. Ray's a good name for a kid. I think I'll name my kid Ray, unless it's a girl, then I'm naming it Barb.

I just can't believe the random weekend I had, I love random events, if they ever stop I will be so sad and I will probably start maniacally trying to make them happen by going on Hunter S. Thompson benders through the desert. When I got the job as a Carny doing the State Fair Circuit last fall, seeing what life would've been like if I hadn't left Lewisburg, OH, I laughed every day at the sheer absurdity of it. An absolutely random event and I cannot thank Mike Anderson or Adam Teurein enough for that event.

So I get a call from a friend of LA Ray's ("La Rey" means "The King" by the way) friend Nancy, nicest person in the world, I'm sure there are assholes in L.A., I just haven't met any yet, oh wait, I have, but that guy would be an asshole no matter where he lived. And Nancy asks me to help edit something, last minute, apology apology, not very good material blahblahblah. "Absolutely" is always the answer. Where? Laurel Canyon and Lookout Mountain. Sounds easy enough, Laurel Canyon's off the 101 and I can figure it out from there. Two hours later I'm lost on a mountain. The pain in the ass those hundreds of people put up with in order to live on a mountain, teeny tiny windy roads all over this mountain. It must be what living in Italy is like.

Actually driving through teeny tiny mountaintop roads was a new experience so I kind of enjoyed it. Mountains, actually, are a new experience, so I'm still kind of obsessed. The fact there's enough mountain surface area for that many roads is boggling, they left not a square inch to waste. And OH MAN, did I get the fear of life put into me. Okay so I'm driving up a mountain doodley-doo, and I just kept driving up assuming I'd missed my turn, but, hey it's kind of fun driving up a mountain, new experience, but you lose track of how high up you are...until you pass an unguardrailed cliff overlooking the city of Los Angeles...and you're higher than the tallest fucking building!...and the road is only as big as your car...and it's 200 feet straight down. Bart I apologise for the piss stain on your front seat, I know I tried to pawn it off as some bum who slept in it. I stole that line from Lebowski.

I was seriously freaking scared. I had no idea how high up I was, or that there wouldn't be any guardrails to stop my death at a billion feet up. So I make a 19 point turn to get going back down in a stick-shift meaning I didn't quite trust how much to car might bolt forward towards that cliff. If was kinda horrifyin'.

So I figure out where I'm going and get to Nancy's friend, Eric's house, where the edit bay is, and it is the NICEST HOUSE I'VE EVER SEEN with more balcony than non-balcony, all of it overlooking Laurel Canyon and the Hollywood hills and Hollywood and Downtown L.A. The best view you've ever seen, not that psycho view I experienced up the hill. It was a very nice place to edit.

And what was I editing?



You know, life is funny.

Cheaters is the greatest show in the history of mankind. We did a parody of it for our radio show and if only it was as funny as the conversations we had with Connor and Katie on the topic. We've always called it "Pixeled Cooter."

I can't believe that the "poor subject matter" Nancy plopped down in front of me was the greatest show in television history. But this isn't just regular old Cheaters, this is uncensored Cheaters for On Demand. UN-pixeled Cooter.

Life is funny.

The most brilliant thing about Cheaters is Joey Greco's sympathy. But you've never seen such brilliance as when Joey shows the complaintant two uncensored women eating each others buttholes out, sticking a dildo in their mouth and shoving it in the babymaker, and double-donging it.

and then...Joey says...in his sympathetic manner..."it can't feel good to see that."

Art. A word I use sparingly. Pure art. So then the husband busts her having the funniest "wild" party you can possibly have. They had three women have lit up pictures of Jesus, caution tape, dildo's hanging from the ceiling playing Christmas music while one woman wears a hairnet and a gas mask and the other wears a traffic vest and a construction helmet with her face painted like and insane clown posse member.

and they paid me too.

One last note: When will the comic-book-character-all-around-print-shirt-clad men get some respect?