We Are Laughing!

Just wrote this scene, laughed out loud. Thought I'd share it.

BATTLE-GROUND

CRASH! Two Gladiators come together. The crowd ROARS.

ABOVE THEM

Ted Dinnerbansky watches the match from his King’s Booth.

GRETCHEN
Did you hear, ABC picked up the pilot to my reality show?

TED
A fake on a reality show. If only irony fueled SUV’s.

GRETCHEN
Do we have a problem? I believe those are my balls your swinging.

TED
No, Gretchen, despite that People Magazine article I’m pretty sure only one of us has balls. And if you don’t straighten up, I’m going to shove them into your mouth.

GRETCHEN
Is that a threat?

TED
I just wanted to make sure that we’re still on the same page.

GRETCHEN
The same page where I win the election for you?

TED
The same page where you don’t forget how you got here.

GRETCHEN
I think it’s about more than money.

She makes a display gesture down her body.

Ted moves close.

TED
Nothing is about more than money.

GRETCHEN
One hand washes the other.

TED
Don’t fuck with me, Gretchen. Poo Flakes.

GRETCHEN
The cereal?

TED
Poo Flakes.

GRETCHEN
Dinnerbasky Mills got sued for Poo Flakes.

TED
After four years of success and an animated series.

GRETCHEN
The FDA found out the flakes were literally made of shit.

TED
Exactly. So don’t tell me I don’t know how to market a turd, bitch. I’ve done it.