Short-Haired Chick Friday!

In 1990 Northern Exposure aired.



And everybody fell in love. It was universal. She was just so damn tomboy cute. I no longer felt alone in my little predilection towards short-haired chicks, because everyone liked Janine.



What a regular gal. I like the "regular gal", a girl you can pal around with. You see, Janine played a mechanic and Mechanic's don't believe in no fancy dressin' up and nights at the opera. Mechanics would rather play pinball with you at a dive bar after they've put five bucks worth of Metalica in the juke. To make sure you got the point, the makeup person put grease on her face. Do you get it now?





Not all short-haired chicks are regular gals, it just always seemed to my that you ran a great chance of nabbing a regular gal if you kept your eyes on the short-haired ones. And the casting guys in Hollywood obviously see that. The short-haired actresses nab all the regular gal roles, because it's more believeable.



Northern Exposure was also a good litmus test for whether a girl was worth going out with. If a girl liked Northern Exposure she was pretty worth your time. It was at least a good sign. Liking Twin Peaks was a better sign, but Northern Exposure would do.



I actually only watched a few episodes of Northern Exposure, but they are huge memories because of the girl I was dating at the time, Mindy Pieper. Whatever happened to Mindy? Just about the cutest girl ever.



It certainly was the best courting ever, she was in my film studies class and grasped my arm during "The Birds." I mean how classic is that!? I give credit to Larry Shure who left a seat open between us that night. Thanks man.



Anyway, she had a Northern Exposure night in her dorm and I got to be a part of that while I dated her.



But I was 20 so I fucked it all up.



She would later move in with my short-haired Junior-year girlfriend, Leah. ...awkward. But I made it more so because I was 22 and still fucking everything up. Plus since we were all 22 and the weight of the world was on our shoulders I think we all secretly enjoyed how fucked up it all was. Stupid 20's.



Mindy had kinda short hair at that time but the last time I ever saw her was in an indie record store in Cincinnati, she was super indie and had completely chopped her hair and dyed it blond, it looked AWESOME, so hot. Why was I such a 20 year old?



Later on while dating Carla, who had awesome short-hair as well, I would find out that Carla and Mindy dated. Small world, small world in which ex-girlfriends can have dated current girlfriends. Again, why was I such a 20 year old? Of course, if you are going to date short-haired chicks you will date a few lesbians, but I'm sure we're all willing to take your chances there.



So, uh, yeah, Janine, don't know a fucking thing about her.

Last Time on Falcon Crest!

When Angela takes Cole to Rome to attend an important wine-tasting competition, she is surprised to find that Douglas is there, and hopes to rekindle the memory of their honeymoon spent there years ago. Initially, romance flares between Angela and Douglas; however, Angela devastates Douglas when she refuses his proposal to re-marry. Meanwhile, Cole has been given a collection of mysterious letters, which belong to an Italian relative and which underscore the enduring bitterness between Angela and Jason. Angela leaves Lance in charge of Falcon Crest to test him with the family business, but Lance painfully discovers that he's not as shrewd as his grandmother. Chase learns in the end, however, that Lance is not just a spoiled rich kid, but is a very dangerous person as well.

Your Daily Moon Knight

Your Daily Moon Knight

Fun With Republicans

While I'm raiding ifilm, I thought this was a pretty priceless interaction. I'll give Republicans one thing, they're very certain that they're certain.

SCIENCE WEDNESDAY!

For years many thought it was impossible for cats to enjoy ping-pong. Not true says modern science.

Adam Cinema Spectacular!

Hey check this out. Charley put a video we did years ago up on Youtube. This is part 1, I'll keep you in suspense for the ending. I look ridiculous.



Also, I am told that I should've seen it by now but I had not. It is pretty amazing. What's up with...well, every piece of imagery in this? But Hassellhoff REALLY seems to legitimately be enjoying himself in this. Enjoying singing this song. Enjoying singing "Hooka Chaka" which nobody could actually be excited about. And yet... I don't fully get David Hasselhoff, I mean, Shatner knows he's a joke and acts accordingly. David, I don't think, knows he's a joke, and yet acts WAY accordingly, which makes him brilliant.



Shouldn't this actor be eating catfood with the cast of Riptide? instead of one of the richest men on earth?

The Spider-Man 3 Trailer! The Spider-Man 3 Trailer! The Spider-Man 3 Trailer! The Spider-Man 3 Trailer!

The Spider-Man 3 Trailer! The Spider-Man 3 Trailer! The Spider-Man 3 Trailer! The Spider-Man 3 Trailer! The Spider-Man 3 Trailer! The Spider-Man 3 Trailer! The Spider-Man 3 Trailer! The Spider-Man 3 Trailer! The Spider-Man 3 Trailer! The Spider-Man 3 Trailer! The Spider-Man 3 Trailer! The Spider-Man 3 Trailer! The Spider-Man 3 Trailer! The Spider-Man 3 Trailer! The Spider-Man 3 Trailer! The Spider-Man 3 Trailer! The Spider-Man 3 Trailer!

Wow it's fucking awesome! Can you believe how fucking awesome it is???? Almost as awesome as this.

12 hours until he Returns

12 hours until



12 hours and I'm just too busy to have a 24 hour Superhero filmfest. I don't have a job and I'm too busy to have a 24 hour Superhero filmfest. DAMMIT! I'm planning on watching Superman i today, and then maybe hit Superman II tomorrow, some Superboy tv show, Superman III, IV, The old tv show with George Reeves if my Netflix will come.

Since the first Sueprman live-action superhero movies have grown into a rabid obsession with me, a genre I'm really completely in love with every facet of. Having lived though the Rocketeer/Ninja Turtles/The Phatom/Batman Forever/Shadow/Judge Dredd years (and yes, saw all of them in theatres) I can't believe I'm living in an era where a THIRD X-Men movie comes out weeks before a SUPERMAN movie, Six months before a a Ghost Rider move (how obscurely awesome is it that there's a $70million Ghost Rider movie?

I've said all this before but I'm almost nervous to see Superman Return because it's already perfect in every way. It's the ultimate of heroism in my favorite genre. He's it. The end all. #1. The original Superman, Godbless it, started all this obsession for me and after years of great senses-shattering Superhero action (with significant input by Bryan Singer), where has Superman been? With 9/11 and a fascist dictatorship running the country where are our heroes? It's too perfect a time or Superman to Return. I'm nervous to hear that music that throws me RIGHT BACK into the same theatre seat in 1978 creating this whole world that would become an obsession leading up to Superman again.

It's just too much. You can see why I'm nervous.

Your Daily Moon Knight

Delahoyde, Stipp, and Wiseau

Got a call on Wednesday that Steve Delahoyde was getting some HD camera's and didn't just want to let them sit around his apartment until Monday in an unexploited state so we shot a short on Sunday. I had written this sketch off of a blog I wrote about two men discussing the intricacies of minor mealtimes like "Brunch" and if Brunch bridges Breakfast & Lunch then what bridges Lunch and Dinner? Why, "Dunch", of course. Silly. So look for that in a couple days. In the meantime Steve has a final final edit on the "Chicago Short Comedy & Video Festival" Promo, which you can see here. Fun stuff.

Steve also introduced me to the best film ever. The Room by Tommy Wiseau who also wrote and plays the lead in the film. Always a winning combination for a talent unknown for doing any of those three things. It is the funniest movie that thinks it's a serious drama I've ever seen. Evidently it's huge on the midnight circuit in L.A. and has been running for three years to "Rocky Horror" type crowds who all bring props like football to throw during the five scenes in which the leads throw the football...while standing three feet apart. Truly writer/director Tommy, an oily looking forty-year-old European who's friends in the movie are all resemble L.A. actors in their 20's, has never experienced an interaction with a person because he can't convey it on the screen. The entrances and exits are hilariously contrived. There's a drug deal gone wrong that comes out of nowhere, the leads meet in an "alley" set for no described reason. Usually these bad movies try and be suspence thrillers or horror movies, but part of the charm here is that it's just trying to be a relationship drama without a single understanding of relationships. The movie is incredible in amazing ways that I can't even describe. It's just, it's all there. Try and find a copy. I'm sure Odd Obsession might have it.

Chris Stipp Strikes again!

So Kevin Smith's "Moviepoopshoot.com" the tie-in to Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back has changed it's name and streamlined it's delivery of content under the new Quickstopentertainment.com and what an improvement! In their shuffling they were smart and kept the hilarious maestro of trailer reviews Chris Stipp, who is one of Otisburg's oldest citizens, and check this out!. Chris, in his high-traffic introduction blog makes a nice call out to Schadenfreude, and Otisburg, but also Mr. Steve Delahoyde. What a great guy, I'll have to get him a Schadenfreude shirt, wait, I already did and Chris has not only had to explain what "Schadenfreude" means to an Airport security guard but he has promised that he would wear the shirt to the Comic Convention in San Diego! Hey Chris, take some orders for us, I'll give Garth Ennis one free, but Kurt Busiek has to pay.

Your Daily Moon Knight

Saturday Morning Cartoons

Brought to you by...


That great BLACK superhero!

and by...

Which I had by the way. Terrible toy.



Don't make me Ang Lee, you wouldn't like me when I'm Ang Lee


Silverhawks!

The origin of the black Silverhawk, a very racially harmonious Saturday Morning Cartoons.

Y'all Ready for this! It's Super Short-Haired Chick Legend Friday!

It's time to revisit and old old favorite and do her justice. Or perhaps just do her...in our minds.

It all started a long time ago on the wall of a 13-year-old Adam Witt far far away.



Sigh. I was never the kid who collected teen magazines or really had any teen crushes, I was too busy watching Star Wars and working on my filmmaking career to have time for petty teen crushes. However I was this kid who was friends with Richard Jones, who's Mom had a job stocking magazines for local retailers, that added up to a lot of free teen magazines and free pinups.



Much to my chagrin in the 7th grade you were required to develop crushes on girls and declare a band your favorite. I chose Alyssa Milano and Def Leppard, and neither have let me down since.



She was just so damn cute! ANDshe was in the best movie ever made (at the time), Commando.



So, movie connection satiated, I developed a huge crush.



27" x 41" to be exact. I'm a Devil's fan to this day (they've had a few pretty good years in the interim) This poster was the centerpiece of 20 other pinups provided by Richard (including the one at the top of this post). What a crush it was. And it got deeper, I found out she was born on December 19th, 1972.



Yes, the exact same day as me. At the time I thought this connection would someday magnetically attract us and we would get married, though I supposed that would make me just as likely to marry pop-sensation Limahl or model Tyson Beckford.

And then...



Not satisfied that she was perfect in every way she went and did a nude scene. YES!



Thank you thank you thank you. Prayers were literally answered that day. The Hollis Brothers and I crowded around that tv the day it was released and watched the worst movie with two of the best minutes ever filmed. Alyssa's legend just kept on growing. And then one day to further answer some stray prayers.



The hair came off. A boyhood crush would continue into middle age, the exact same middle age she was in, to the date.



A couple of years ago while at my new job at a production company I met a guy I would end up writing a screenplay with and who would ultimately convince me to quit my job over IM. I was asked by someone when my birthday was, I said "December 19th 1972." To which my future screenwriting partner responded "Oh, the same day as Alyssa Milano." Which was super weird for him to know. I mean, it's my birthday, so I knew it, but for him to know it, that's just weird.



Turns out he dated her, which is pretty crazy.



She left him for Holly Marie-Combs, who I've seen naked. Well, not in person, but she was in the first movie I ever worked on, A Reason To Believe, and while I was locked off the set when she showed her boobs I did end up as an apprentice editor and made as many excuses as possible to sort through the raw dailies of her topless. Fun.



Nice.



Nicer



The best picture taken of anyone ever! EVER! EVER! EVER!



MOON KNIGHT!

to be continued...

Riding The Bus 7

I only have a few minutes because I'm finishing up a new draft of Alderman for tonight's meeting. We've revised the 160 page draft and are down to 130 pages, the target is 110. The movie is being pitched this week to financiers and this draft will be headed to a lot of places when we lock script on Monday. Very exciting, so I've got to hop on it. But I had a funny interaction last night that I thought I'd throw out there.

After last night's script meeting I walked to the Blockbuster on Lawrence to drop off my copy of The Ringer with my buddy from L.A. Johnny Knoxville. On my way back I was very hungry and passed the Wendy's on Lawrence. The doors weren't open but as the sign out front bragged they were open until 2.

So I walked up to the drive-up window. Anyone ever try this? They won't let you order food and give them money for it, you have to have a car. I don't get this and tried to get into a Larry David conversation with the woman in the window but she was having none of it because I wasn't in a car.

I'm the same guy who's eligible to purchase food if I were in a car, but I'm not in a car. I asked her if I had ordered back at the speaker thing and she didn't realize I wasn't in a car and made the food would she then take it away when she saw me walk up? If I got someone in a car to order for me would they get in trouble for giving me the food after they'd gotten it in their car? Like some high school beer drive-through transaction? Could we skip the middle-man on the beer drive-through transaction and just have her give me the food?

No. You have to be in a car to give money to the Wendy's corporation after 8. That just seems weird to me.

Anyone ever seen the Curb Your Enthusiasm Episode "Wandering Bear" where he buys the ointment for Cheryl's vagina because he put the long-lasting condom on inside out and numbed Cheryl then got in trouble for talking to the Native American gardner about her Vagina? My favorite Curb conversation is in that episode.

Hey, Wandering Bear, let me ask you a question. You're a shaman of sorts. You know all about plants and herbs and you're kind of a medicine man in a way. Last night...I put a condom on inside-out. And my wife's vagina is completely numb. Do you know of any herbal remedy that might work for her?

Wandering Bear looks to the sky. The rhythm of a Native drum is heard in the distance.

Hmm...give me a pencil and paper.

Well, I have a pen.

Same thing.

Well, yeah, but you said pencil, so I just thought I'd mention that I have a pen.

They both perform the same function.

That's true. A pencil also has an eraser. You can make a mistake, you can erase. So that's a slight difference. Some people are very specific about it.

One writes, the other writes.

...But you did say pencil.

Boy do I not miss my job

I'm still wrapping up loose ends from my job at Strata Productions and am reminded everyday of the Sisyphusian special brand of hell that it was. I love movies, I love making movies, I loved telling people I was a producer (I'm still allowed to do that) but the job, calling atorneys and asking them if they'd like to invest in a movie was the challenge to do the impossible.

First, nobody's interested, and half of them are really angry, not at you, just angry people who, it seems, have real problems. Call as you might, they're not interested, but if you can log 100 calls in a day you'll probably find two people to take a look at it. Despite running them through a rigorious checklist of qualifications including setting a specific appointment the chances are you will never talk to either of them again.

So if you find ten people to take a look at the investment in a week, one will be there for the appointment but won't have looked at the information yet, two will not be there, but you will be able to catch them later in the week and pitch them, but they won't have looked at the information yet, five you will never talk to again, and two will "call you back"

Nobody, in three years at that job that said "I'll call you back" ever did. I started pointing it out to them. "Nobody who's ever said that, ever has, so if you're not interested just tell me."

Of the one's you can actually get on a second call and pitch, one in twenty will pick up a share, five of them will have things they need to get in order before they can invest meaning they never will, and four will "call you back."

Of the one in twenty that agree to write a check and pick up a share, only half of them actually do that after they've told you they will.

Roll the boulder up the hill...watch it roll back down...

Which brings me to a funny story...

So in my last week at the job I had this one guy I had sent information to and he is absolutely angry. Just a weird guy. My last week each time I'd call him he'd be there, but "I've got someone in my office! I'll call you!" *slam* and then "I'm in a meeting! I'll call you!" *slam*, a week later "You're catching me in the middle of something! I'll call you back!" *slam*. It got so hilarious that I started putting our call on speakerphone for the rest of the office to hear this guy which was not only angry, but kind of enjoyed being angry.



Over the last week since I left I've been trying to wrapup the people I had pitched but never been able to do a follow-up call including one guy that told me he was wiring the money two months ago. I call Angry mcAngryson last week and had another hilarious exchange. This morning I called, but didn't leave a message. Get this, the son of a bitch calls me off of caller i.d., I answer seeing that it's Angry's number, shocked at the first attorney EVER to call me back in three years is Angry, and Angry says "Hey, is this Strata?" "Yeah" "Did you call?" "Yeah" "Well I can't talk I'm in the middle of a meeting I'll call you back *slam*.

Did he just call me in the middle of a meeting to say he couldn't talk to me because he was in the middle of a meeting?

That's the sort of people I dealt with everyday.

Do no miss that job.

Rent Party Wrapup!

another Schadenfreude "event"
I'm just sitting here, jobless, editing the first video from the June Rent Party. It's the best bit ever, which is our new name for each new bit. Last month, Nick & Zak as the valets, best bit ever, this month, Aaron as the bathroom attendant handing out razors and towels to everyone that walked in an calling them "chief." Best bit ever, but by far the best best bit ever was our rip-off of The Office quizmasters. You know it's the best bit ever when you dumbfound your audience, but you're so in love with the bit that you do it anyway. At some point you've just got to transcend your audience, "sorry guys, this bits for us." So Ryan, our brilliant videographer, shot the full ending to the quizmasters episode of The Office outside including Gareth (Justin) kicking a giant cock (provided by Triplette). Sandy got to live his lifelong dream of playing Finchy and we go one hell of a worthwhile homage to The Office, which got us through so many painful-ass long nights writing 60 sketch radio shows.

Another damn good show. Steve Edwards and Syvia Ewing, God how funny are they, plus the full pledge-drive bit was the best bit ever. These three shows have really been something else. Thanks to Ryan and Steve Delahoyde they've been shot very well, well lit, look for the Rent Party DVD for sale on the site as soon as I can get releases from all participants.

I got busted shoplifting at Aldi

So at the beginning of the show I play our riff on Jonathan Rosenbaum, Jonathan St. Judgefeld, and he's finally funny on stage. He used to be pretty funny on radio, pretty funny in text, but he's never been funny onstage. But I think we finally figured out how to funny him up. We made him basically homeless, covered in spaghetti sauce with a bunch of Aldi Bags and a FUP (Fat Upper Penis, that big sack of fat guys and girls get above their privates) and have him steal food in between decrying that he's not introducing Goalies Anxiety At The Penalty Kick at the Siskel Center.

To do this I had to go to Aldi. For the first time. If you've never been to the Aldi on Broadway south of Wilson, I highly suggest it, but know, you're not welcome. In fact you're not welcome in that area at all. It's not a black/white thing, there are plenty of white people in that area. But you are not welcome there.

So I go into Aldi and I immediatly figured out how they pass so much savings onto you. No shelves. Less overhead. Advantage - you. So I see these Aldi bags there. The bags have changed, they no longer have the classic homeless-guy bags, those are our of print and very valuable, so if you see a homeless guy with them beat him up and take them and sell them at the shitty judgemental used book store on Belmont.

Now If you're in any other grocery store, the bags are free. The line at the Aldi was long so I just grabbed some bags and walked out. All of a sudden there were shouts of "get him!" "Hey!" and a security guard was in my face and everyone in the Aldi was staring at the fucking loser. "I thought they were free." I said. "It's Aldi, nothing's free." the security guard shot back.

So I got caught shoplifting at Aldi.

Lifelist - CHECK

Saturday Morning Cartoons

I guess Wes Craven passed on directing the cartoons


Brought to you by...


Had it!


Sing it G.I. Joe singer guy!


What do you stand for Danny. Goodness? Or badness? How 'bout a Fresca!?


Tennessee Tuxedo will not fail!


One of the best single episodes of any cartoon ever made.


Best song...ever...

Short-Haired Chick Friday!: Justification Edition

Don Hall was pissed about last weeks rerun, and I don't have any time today, and yet I've squeezed one out. This one's for you Don.



Hey look it'sTaryn Manning, and she has short hair in this picture.



Hey look it'sTaryn Manning, and she doesn't have short hair in this picture. See where I'm going with this?



If I only find one picture of Taryn Manning with short-hair is the whole blog justied? For Taryn's supercute sake I'm gonna go ahead and say yes. I believe the Supreme Court Verdict of Ryder v. Portman has laid out that only one instance of short-hair is enough to publish all of Taryn's Maxim and Stuff photoshoots.



Which just a wee bit hot.



Taryn is most known for her role as "whore" in Hustle & Flow. I'm sure she has a name in the movie, and I'm sure I don't care. She shows her boobs in that movie, it's awesome. Godbless the not-famous-yet.



I've actually been a Taryn Manning fan for a long long time. This is really odd, but she is in this great movie called The Specials. A very good superhero riff with some great subtle jokes starring Jim Zulevic, some guy named Haden-Church, that guy who hosted the Jamie Kennedy experiment, I'm blanking on his name, and that guy that got caught fucking on video, and Jim Zulevic.



Anyway. Blink and you'll miss it, but there's a scene at a comicon where a woman comes up to Rob Lowe I think and has him sign his autograph and in two lines and 30 seconds of screentime I thought she was the cutest damn thing I ever saw. She won me over. Real perky and natural. So I examined the credits and kept an eye on her.



I NEVER IMAGINED I've be able to see sexy photospreads of this uber-obscure talent or that she's show her

Taryn is a perfect example of the principal that there's more to short-haired chicks than the length of their hair. It the personality of the type of woman who would cut their hair short that I'm attracted to.



Cuteness is a big one, nothing brings out cute like short-hair, nothing more disconcerting than a cute woman with long hair, just doesn't make sense. Happy girls cut their hair short, good attribute, Earthy girls cut their hair short and earthy girls rock.



Feminists cut the hair short, I love the feminists. But I don't think Taryn's one.



Too bad because nobody fucks like a feminist.