And I had such promise.
What they hell do I do? My mind is all over the place. I can't keep a thought straight. In my continuing addiction to life-threatening random decisions I quit my job which put me thousands of dollars in debt working for what I thought was the right cause. Now I am jobless with no savings looking up clerical and sales jobs, ugh, I feel so worthless, like I'm not good at anything. The problem is the things I'm good at don't pay, well, don't pay me. That is an amazing thing to wake up to at 33. What have I been doing for ten years, have I worked towards nothing? That is not a slight to the amazing accomplishments of the group I'm a part of who's site you're reading right now, our accomplishments are pretty friggin' impressive IMHO and it's a long list on the "creative" resume. But in that pure, granite, job-search-worth, it's nothing. Human life is priceless, but the actual worth of the compounds comes out to a few bucks. That's what I'm talking about. I'm a great writer, but I don't know what to do with that piece of information. I've not proven it in a marketable way. What good's talent if you can't prove it? I couldn't even get an agent because I don't have a solo screenwriting credit on any of my great screenplays.
I'm a great producer (especially when it comes to development)...can't prove it though. Great director, haven't really proved it. Editing, that's one thing I can kinda prove I'm good at. I'm working on my editing reel right now. I just talked to a friend in L.A. who has to turn down editing jobs all the time, he told me to come out there. I guess there's more demand for editors and crew in L.A. than there is in Chicago, who'd've guessed? Is it guaranteed I'll get work? No, not right away. But I bet year-round 80degree weather makes temping go down easier. Temp? or Temp in L.A. with an occasional Editing gig? This is where my mind's been. Last February I told everyone I knew that I was moving to L.A., don't know why I did that, but I theorize it's so that I would.
I made that snap decision to quit that job with no backup plan for some fucking reason. And I intend to find out why.
Sorry for the odd tone of this post, but fuck it, it's where I'm at. I feel better now that it's out of my system. Now I've got 100 jobs to apply for.
And a Daily Moon Knight to post,
3 comments:
Sorry - I meant Final Cut
Adam -
If you're really up on Final Draft and have a reel, you can make major bucks in L.A. or NY. Get OUT of Chicago. I love Chicago, but it is such a 9-5 economy ! Sadly, theater/entertainment is a hobby in that town. What I mean by that is, you don't get paid. On a similar note it's like collge, you can live kinda comfortable, learn your craft, but then you gotta get the HELL OUT !!!!
Listen - if you you're looking to see just what's out there, let me know and I can pass you some info. so you can really begin to see that the L.A. Void has some concrete reality to it.
Per our last conversation I find it hilarious that you posted as anonymous, but once again fucked up Final Draft/Final Cut, very funny. I will be moving there, probably September, I'd do it earlier but we've got to complete this book proposal.
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